July 31st, 2010
This is the 24th installment of my "Ask Jax" series. I'm open to answering ANY of your pressing inquiries with little to no thought, accuracy and sensitivity. Remember there are no stupid questions. Just stupid people who ask questions.
Why? - Emily Fitch, Charlotte, North Carolina
Jax's Answer - You did the right thing by coming to me with matters related to esotericism. I've been told (by myself) that I have a firm grasp on what might inspire reasons. Causes if you will. Let's look at history's most notable "Why?" I shall dissect the purpose.
In 1994, Olympic skater, Nancy Kerrigan, was captured on camera after being clubbed in the knee by Shane Stant at the U.S. Figure Skating Championships, an attack planned by rival, Tonya Harding's ex-husband Jeff Gillooly and friend Shawn Eckardt. Post attack footage of Kerrigan wailing, "Why, why, why" swept the airways. So...soon after, we found out just WHY. As it turns out, Nancy Kerrigan was whiny and entitled all along. Plus, during a Disney parade, she called Mickey Mouse "corny." Needless to say, her snobbery resulted with a clubbing orchestrated by Donald and Goofy.
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? - Claudia Mizrahi, Brooklyn, New York
Jax's Answer - First off, audiences of forest animals like bears, raccoons and moose are known as "tough crowds" in comedy circles. However, if you're a comedian and your career has taken you to gigs in the woods...then it's safe to assume your jokes won't land anywhere.
What's with Noah and the keeping of the mosquito's? - Ken Miller, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Jax's Answer - Originally, Noah had no intentions of bringing the pesky mosquitoes along. However, the night before he set sail, he was getting high on the stern with the orangutans and developed a deep interest in eventually breeding a mosquito with a caribou...and breed a Caribou-quito. Also, little known fact, Noah, total douche.