Day 332 - Heatwave, Old Age or Douchebaggery

July 6th, 2010

On day 158 of my 365 day blog challenge, I wrote an entry called “Jew, Not-a-Jew or Canadian?” I gave you scenarios and asked you which of these three categories the examples fell under.(http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-158-jew-not-jew-or-canadian.html.) On Day 166, I brought to you another list to test your knowledge of 3 interchangeable people: Bill O’Reilly, Kanye West and Mother Teresa. (http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-166-bill-oreilly-kanye-west-or.html.) Determining if you were celebrating Passover, Easter or The Festival of Steve Guttenberg was where we journeyed on Day 235(http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010_03_01_archive.html.) And just because I was curious, on Day 243, I needed to know if you had the Fear of Failure, Abandonment or Zombies? (http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-243-fear-of-failure-abandonment-or.html.) On day 253, I had you determine if you were suffering from penis panic, vagina fervor or Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo( http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010/04/day-253-penis-panic-vagina-fervor-or.html)and on day 282, I proposed that you ask your soul if it comes from a place of Schadenfreude, Mudita or Indifference (http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010/05/day-282-schadenfreude-mudita-or.html.)

Today, the northeast is suffering an uninvited heatwave that is bequeathing sweltering(I didn't know numbers went this high) humidity and rivers of (the human body really is 60 to 70 percent water) sweat. And people are dying. Including old people. I need to be clear that I am not minimizing extreme temperatures taking the lives of our elders, but it always leaves me wondering if a 100 year old would have still died today despite the100 degree weather.

This leads me to today's quiz. Since I prefer writing in 3's, I need one more lethal scenario that claims lives. Let's go with being a douche(the scientific name is douchebaggery.)

In order to determine how you most likely will be offed, ask yourself if your lifestyle makes you more likely to suffer from a heatwave, old age or douchebaggery.

- Despite your city's call for an emergency evacuation, you decide to stick it out in your urban excessively hot unconditioned apartment because you want to win the t-shirt that says, " I survived unusually hot weather, resulting from a slowly moving air mass of relatively high temperature...and all I got was this stupid t-shirt."

- You're an overinflated sense of self worth Chris Brown at the BET awards.

- Your children are going through midlife crisis's.

- You're already dehydrated, sunburned and dizzy but still have no interest in going into Bed Bath & Beyond with your wife. You stay in your leather interior-ed turned off car, with the windows up and listen to the 21 album Rolling Stones box set.

- Your name is Zack. But go by Zak.

- You refer to soap operas as "my stories".

- You've cut water out of your diet.

- You apply yourself liberally with Axe deodorant, styling gel and body spray before you go out with the girl you're cheating on your girlfriend with.

- You're Al Gore. On a soap box.

- You think "Mad Men" is a present day documentary.