Sunday, July 18, 2010

Day 344 - Tampon. Manpon. Jaxpon

July 18th, 2010

My friend, Adam Holtz did the right thing and came to me when he needed to know the following: "Why are the contents of tampons listed on the box as 'ingredients'"?
I did the right thing when I went to my aunt Ruthie for an answer. My wise tanta was endearingly curt with her thoughts on Adam's perplexing Inquiry: "What people are eating is their own business...good to know the FDA has standards. BTW how many grams of fiber in a Super?"

Adam, a few things:

1) The scientific answer: Tampon ingredients include Cotton. Rayon. Love.
2) The answer is "no" when a young woman asks herself ,"I used a tampon for the first time today...does that mean that I'm no longer a virgin?"
3) And Adam, I would love to know the chain of events that led you to peruse the literature on a box of tampons.

Well, the unavoidable has my mind is being "absorbed" by the phenomenon of these plugs found in the the most risque of drug store aisles, Feminine Hygiene.

Marketing pros with MBA's from more prestigious schools than I went to have given us....

Kotex: Your Period is as Unique as You Are

OB: Know Yourself. (Tampon Buddha)

As of five minutes ago, you have one more options: Jaxpons: Because the Unique Pine Cone Absorbency Will Have You Screaming From the Rooftops, "I Feel Like a Woman Today!"

I have been blessed by the Google Gods because I've been guided to the darling of interweb sites: Tampons Crafts: For any time of the month.

They say to think outside of the(Playtex) box and let that inner child bring tampon art to the world:

- Valentines Day: Bloody Heart Earrings!

- Father's Day: Tampon Toupee( a delightful complement to your Viagra cuff-links.).

- Don't second guess applicator options: Think Hanukkah Menorah. A Pan Flute

I support tampon inspired crafts as I want men to also be members of the elite plug club. Let us not forget that the testosterone driven sex also have the manpon option. I choose not to run with this because I'm still in the process of obliterating my guilt around day 324's entry, "Hooked on Colonics"( .)

This is the most my conscious will allow me to share on manpons. My preferred unreliable resource, Urban Dictionary, gives us this sample sentence for manpon: "I had 40 hot wings last night. So I had to manpon it up."

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