Day 358 - Catered Camping. Good For the Soul

August 1st, 2010

According to the blog, "Stuff White People Like", American whities are universally smitten by expensive sandwiches, black music that black people don’t listen to anymore and vespas.

Also included in the list of Caucasian loves is camping.

Turns out to be true. Here's the deal. I've been feeling a little vulnerable the last few days. A relationship came to an end and I had one of 2 choices. Stay home and indulge in sullen aloofness or go camping with my friends. Yes, my white friends.

In one of my best decisions ever, I put myself on a bus to the wilderness to meet 8 people that I just adore. Bless their hearts....

It's been Jax tested. Should you feel in the doldrums, go camping immediately. However. You MUST include the following or I can't guarantee happiness:

1) Walkie Talkies
- We found it best to communicate with each other via walkie talkie. Very effective when the group was divided into 2 cars, at different places on our 10 mile hike through Minnewaska State Park and when we really wanted to drive a point home with the person next to us. Plus saying, "Roger", "Over" and referring to bikes as "boagies" is cool.

2) Assign nicknames to camp mates.
- We did:
Jax -Venus
Claudia - Desert Fox
Katy - Maverick
John - Poo Bear
Paul - Scooter
Mollie - Digger
Lauren - Odyssey
Pete - The Artist Formally Known as Jack Rabbit Formally Known as Bald Eagle

3) Bill
- We stayed at a campsite in Bear Mountain operated by Bill. If you ask him what his last name is, his response will be, "Not important." He looked like Santa Clause's alternative universe twin with more pot belly and no jeer. 73 year old sketchy Santa shared a little about himself. "I got this far by being mean."

4) Think outside the box campfire dialogue and shenanigans
- The Artist Formally Known as Jack Rabbit Formally Known as Bald Eagle snuck out of the darkness wearing a hockey mask and holding a bloody ax. The only screamer was Desert Fox who later let out a high pitched cry after finding a spider in her tent. Interesting note, fear is unusual for this Jewish carnivorous breed.
- Tell your friends what product they would be. I was assigned Mrs. Butterworth which still perplexes me(even though...I do tan quite well. And my blood is made of syrup.)

5) Pick up $200 worth of BBQ to be eaten at campsite.

6) Props
- Decorate the site with a colorful banner of flags, bring a blow up monkey and a polka dot clown/ dunce hat to be worn by people who do stupid things. I wore it a lot. At one point, I wondered if Odyssey would get the hat if she got clumsy and fell in the bonfire. Would she have to wear it as she was being put in an ambulance? At her funeral? We came to the conclusion that if she "didn't make it"....the hat would sit upon her urn.

7) Not your grandma's alcoholic beverages
- Have you ever had a beer called Mountain Beer? You should because it claims to be "A very cool brew."
- From the cooler, Desert Fox presented a watermelon(wrapped in tin foil and easily mistaken for a severed head) that had been marinating in vodka and Malibu rum. Well received. VERY well received.

8) Sleep in an Eddie Bauer tent with built in sky dome.
- I saw the sky. And the sky saw me.

9) Chihuahua in an antebellum dress.
- The elderly couple in the RV next to our site came over to ask if we would leave our bottles for them to recycle. We suspected their true intention for the visit was to bring along their freakishly mellow chihuahua wearing a Scarlet O'Hara dress, pearl drop earrings and sunglasses. All beautifully accompanied with red painted nails.

10) On the way home, stop in City Island for seafood on an outside deck overlooking the water.
- Debbie the hostess gave us "the alleged" best table. Overlooking the parking lot.