Day 292 - Be the Man Your Mom Is

May 27th, 2010

I was perusing Facebook status updates while procrastinating my task of generating a topic for day 292 of my " 365 Day Blog Entry Challenge of Cosmic Angst Through the Eyes of Comedic Insight".

Like a gift from a divine virtual entity, the status's started singing to me (in the form of Phil Collins, "Against All Odds"). Here's the line I heard. Repetitively. "So take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space.."

I obviously interpreted their mention of an empty space as a direct metaphor to today's blog entry. Or lack thereof. These updates needed me to serve as a conduit that would secure their riveting messages into the blogosphere. Forever.

I obliged and below have explained why the following grabbed me the most. In the heart area:

"I would prefer to be at the beach in lieu of the office..."
- Using the word lieu gives a ( otherwise simplistic update) mystique and let's readers know that you have a strong command for complex words real good.

"'Sad, so sad, why cant we talk it over, always seems to me, that sorry seems to be the hardest word'....Elton John". Then this status updater adds, "Something for us married guys who sometimes shoot our mouths off and then hide behind our pride."
- Elton John lyrics really are the best way to make a public apology. Closely followed by Chicago's "Hard to Say I'm Sorry" and an Enya instrumental.

"This weekend Friday and Saturday, Savannah Georgia at the Hyatt Regency 8 pm, you in the area?"
- If I didn't know that this guy was a comedian, I would high five him for having the bravado to invite his entire online social network to his hotel to explore his "area".

"Sex In The City...tomorrow at 7:30pm Hollywood 20!! With me, Nicole and her friends from work, Veronica....anyone else want to join us??"
- No. No I would not. That is all.

"I'm totally addicted to the iPhone app "Second Opinion".
- As a user of a Blackberry, the Betamax of mobile internet devices, I just assume your second option would be in Spanish.

"Sarcasm (n.)-the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it"
- I find that people who are always sarcastic lack integrity and will never be the man their mother is.

"Nothing like a tantrum first thing in the morning..."
- Morning sex first thing in the morning. Nothing like that either.

"I'm not happy about being sick..."
- If you're home sulking in your illness, be grateful that mid afternoon is the time of day when there are an excessive amount of commercials that will answer your ongoing question, "Will there ever be a fiber-heavy yogurt that would keep middle aged women's digestive tracks in order?"

"Fun last night, but now...........I got nothing...."
- Stay strong young soldier. You got me. Actually, I'm waiting for the cable guy(he gave me a 467 hour window) and my day book tells me I'm booked with mindless endeavors through 2012. Then..I'm all yours.

"It's almost lunch O'clock. The 5 minute meeting I am in is taking 37 hours."
- 37 hours! Whaaaat? We all know there are only 25.3(repeating) hours in a day. I can explain this to you more later... at masturbate O'clock.