May 3rd, 2010
(Setting: All the mental disorders have been invited to Narcissistic Personality’s house for movie night. The doorbell rings. Narcissistic opens the door. Bipolar enters.)
Narcissistic– Bipolar! Really glad you could make it.
Bipolar (Manic and talking fast) I’m really excited to be here! I love movie night! Hug me Narcissistic!
Narcissistic – Only if you verify my personal adequacy, power and prestige….
Bipolar – You know how charming I find your self-centeredness.
Narcissistic – Come on in. Depression is crying on the couch, Obsessive Compulsive is alphabetizing my CD’s and Bulimia’s in the bathroom.
Bipolar - (to Depression) Hey Depression! Thanks for letting me hang with you last week. I was feeling really low. But now I feel awesome!
Depression – (lethargic) You’re a fair weathered friend Bipolar. Blowing me off has just triggered more self-loathing, feelings of worthlessness and loss of interest in daily activities. That I once found pleasurable. But don’t sweat it. It’s cool.
Bipolar – Great!
(Tries to high five Depression. Left hanging)
Narcissistic - (yells) Come In!
Paranoid Disorder - (enters and speaks sarcastically) Is someone talking about me?
Bipolar – I thought you were coming with Agoraphobia?
Paranoid - He backed out. Probably because of me.
(Bulimia walks out of the bathroom)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – Finally, I need to wash my hands. God knows what kind of germs and fecal matter are on these CD’s. (walks to bathroom.) See you 30 minutes. Maybe 45.
Bipolar – Bulimia! You look fantastic! I mean…really great!
Narcissistic – You do. Almost as good as me.
Bulimia – Thanks guys. I’ve been training hard and I’m almost at my goal weight. Of zero.
Bipolar – Incredible!
Narcissistic - I hate to be the bearer of bad news but Schizophrenia won’t be joining us. She tried online dating on Losing Your Mind Match.com. She ended up falling in love with a rich Antipsychotic Drug with a weird name. Something like Trifluoperazine. She’s sane now.
Bulimia – (stuffing her face with popcorn and chocolate)That's too bad. I’ll miss Schizophrenia’s nonsensical commentary on movie nights. Can we get started? I’m on a strict schedule. I have an appointment with the toilet in a bit.
Narcissistic - Sure. I have a few choices…"The Deer Hunter”, “Terms of Endearment” and “Bambi”. I really do pick the best heartbreaking, distressing and dismal movies….
Depression – Nice selection Narcissistic. But I feel the best way to keep our spirits frightened, low and psychotic would be to watch the news.
(There is a brief silence…then all the mental illnesses look at each other while nodding their heads in agreement)
Bipolar - Depression, that’s a great idea!
Narcissistic – I know. Sounds like something I would come up with.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (yelling from the bathroom) - Go with CNN! Anderson Cooper looks really clean!
Narcissistic - Good choice. Bonus that I have a strong feeling that one of us will be visiting Wolf Blitzer soon. Perfect vulnerable target. He looks like a wolf. That will fuck him up.
(All agree. Lights go out. News comes on)