Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Day 284 - Nonchalant Observer -Installment #8– Six Flags Great Adventure

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Today is my 8th installment of my “Nonchalant Observer” series. On day 22, I observed (judged) what crossed my path as I sat with my coffee on my Brooklyn stoop. On day 38, I took you with me to the happenings of beach life in the surfing town of Hermosa Beach, California. On day 112, we crossed the age gap and hit a retirement community. During happy hour. You came with me to my father and stepmother’s house for brunch in Westchester, New York on day 141 and you joined me as I was being shot in a piece for Current TV on day 205. On Day 210, you were part of my Grandma Harriet’s 90th birthday celebration in Charlotte, North Carolina. Day 263 was when I stood like a hooker with Marc Jacobs sunglasses and observed the environment on the corner of 49th and Madison in Manhattan.

Today a group of my friends collectively decided that it would be best to take a day off from our (real or alleged) jobs and partake in an excursion that would undoubtedly have a powerful influence over our minds, bodies and spirits: Six Flags Great Adventure.

You might be judging and thinking, "But Jax! Isn't it a bit juvenile for a group in their 30's a 40's (without kids) to spend a Wednesday at a 2200-acre park featuring awesome rides, an abundance of over sexed teens and $15 funnel cakes?" First, settle down. Then repeat (group coordinator)Paul Hale's mantra and you will...believe: "Roller coasters, no lines, beer, roller coasters, no lines, beer..."

I shall review some highlights. The following took place between 8:56am - 5:34 pm on today's adventure...that was indeed...great.

8:56-The group met up in front of a Dunkin' Donuts where Paul was waiting to transport us(via SUV) to the giant playground in central New Jersey. His title has now gone from group coordinator to group dad.

9:09 - The only person I didn't know in our family friendly vehicle was sitting next to me... Pete Schwinge. Nice guy. He has some investment job that I didn't understand and is getting his masters in Music Business at NYU. But what really intrigued me about my new friend was that he is a seasoned reviewer of Buffalo wings. That is right. Schwinge loves wings.

10:27 - We arrived a few minutes before the park opened at 10:30 and Paul parked in the back of an empty parking lot so we would have a seamless exit at the end of the day. Oh're incorrigible(and pretty bad ass for taking 26 roller coaster rides in 8 hours. I don't care what mom says. I think you're tops.)

10:56 - We waste no time. We're doers. We do. Hard. We began the roller coaster-palooza with "seven monstrous loops, one corkscrew and two boomerang loops" on the Scream Machine. Adrenaline rushes ensue, teenagers eye us perplexed as to why elderly idiots are on their turf and I'm experiencing a tinge of nausea..but I ignore it like the first 20 viruses on my (now dead) computer.

11:16 - We immediately walk(skip) to El Toro..widely regarded as one of the world's best wooden roller coasters that provides massive amounts of that reassuring feeling of being lifted out of your seat (similar to being a passenger in my car at age 16.)

11:45 - The rest of the morning was roller coaster intensive as we frolicked among today's youth who were either skipping school or part of some Christian wrestling club. On the Runaway Train, the controller wouldn't start the ride until we lifted our hands and said choo choo. Hard ass.

12:15 - I promised to be honest in my 365 blog entry challenge. After a morning full of roller coaster goodness, I threw up. Actually, more of a dry heave. Immediately afterwards, I ate cheap Chinese food for lunch. Just the kinda girl I am.

12:47 - A Six Flags employee walked by holding a giant flat screen TV. I wonder if the prizes have gotten better.

1;29 - After lunch, Our destination was Kingda Ka, the tallest and fastest roller coaster in the world, The train is launched by a hydraulic launch mechanism to 128 miles per hour in 3.5 seconds and climbs(then falls from) 45 stories in the air. I said I had to draw the line and pass on this death machine.

1:31 - I didn't draw the line. I went on Kingda Ka. And who's a winner? I am.

2:07 - We go on the Superman upside down roller coaster that is supposed to give you the sensation of flying. It didn't. And I wanted to fly. High.

2:54 - Beer

3:27 - We went on Skull Mountain, an indoor "haunted" ride. I've said it once and I'll say it again. If you leave anything that claims to be haunted alive..then it's not scary enough. Plus there seemed to be some strobe light malfunction that pissed off a teenage girl who refused to get out of her seat until the problem was resolved. Sassy.

4:59 - I rode a few more roller coasters, peed a lot and arrived at the 11th(and final) ride, The Dark Knight. "It is an indoor ride with a pre-show, a pre-load station, Gotham City subway cars and Batman thematic elements in the ride. " One word: anticlimactic. To air our grievances, we're in the process of composing an open letter to the Department of Whatever.

5:34 - My mission was complete. I rode each of the 11 roller coasters. The guys in the group refused to leave the park after the embarrassingly sub par Dark Knight fiasco . In order to end this day of endurance with pride, they went back and rode the El Toro. Four times. Why? Because they have penises.

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