Friday, May 14, 2010

Day 279 - Rainbow Colored Urine? ebay

May 14th, 2010

On Day 230, I presented to you a blog entitled "Jax's Unrehab for Things that are Toxic and Fun"(

A blurb. If you will: My unrehab facility "is geared towards people who have previously spent time in rehab clinics and return home only to discover that they no longer have the euphoria, confidence and zest that their addictions once provided their lives. At my clinic, I have gathered a team of untrained specialists who gently wean you back on the destructive substance and behavioral patterns that could destroy your life. But haven’t yet.

At Jax's Unrehab for Things that are Toxic and Fun, you'll attend round table discussions that are certain to get you back on your path. To nowhere. Here are some sample lectures:

- Beat the signs of aging –Overdose

- Spread your seed. The benefits of sex addiction and the overpopulation myth

- Gambling- Lost your life savings? Remember, persistence makes you a winner

- The Therapist – A career for those wishing to desensitize themselves to their own issues

- The Danger of placebo pills"

Upon further research on behaviors that can leave a person powerless, I came upon a dependence that some self righteous boring types say could be debilitating your family, friends, mild acquaintances, douches in your life ...and dare I say, you.


Those with an ebay addiction often enter a rehabilitation facility to obliterate their dependence on this online auction and shopping website in which people and businesses buy and sell necessities that can include Britney Spear’s chewed bubble gum, a grilled cheese sandwich with the image of the Virgin Mary and a woman's forehead for advertising space.

After ebay detox, a disturbing number of ebay-less individuals return to the world with body tremors, rainbow colored urine and a constant craving for beef jerky. Dog treats for humans.

This is where I boldly step in to assist this heartbreaking oppressed population to get back onto ebay. In a loving way, brainwashing.

You might be saying, "Jax, for the love of Jesus Harold Christ! Get a hold of yourself! You're enabling addicted bidders who've already jeopardized their relationships, careers and their their own moral fibers."

My retort - Enablers are just special givers.

I really drive this point home in this Youtube clip that shows me MC'ing for a marketing campaign for an eBay event at ABC. I warmed up 15 audiences for a live game show called "LET'S MAKE A DAILY DEAL" that was hosted by Mario Cantone and Monty Hall.

I mean business.

At Jax's Unrehab for Things that are Toxic and Fun, I've recently opened the wireless eBay ward that is dedicated to returning 24/7 eBayers back to their purposeful compulsions for a glorified yard sale on the internet.

After the addict has been retoxed on eBay and completed my program, you'll be saying, "Wow. My loved one's fervor for their existence is back after buying Justin Timberlake’s partially-eaten french toast for $1025. No question about it, that smile absolutely justifies my beloved committing forgery, fraud, theft, and embezzlement to finance online activities"

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