October 29th, 2009
My mother had a house in Park City, Utah for a few years and I’d have to fly into Salt Lake City when I visited. That place scares the hell out of me. I felt that something was “off” with the energy and I would physically get a pit in my stomach. First off, when you get off the plane, all you see are Mormon families with scores of blond haired blue eyed children that easily could be mistaken for Hitler youth. If you’re unfortunate enough to drive through the city, you will be bewildered by the gigantean out of place Mormon tabernacle that looks like a cross between an Italian Renaissance church and a sand castle decorated with decorative wet sand dribble. The “sacred” structure would fit in beautifully in Gotham City. But the modern freakishly clean and sunny city of salt seems to be filled with crazy eyes delusional prophet types, huge families dressed like the cast of “Witness” and the locale for many disturbingly bizarre horrors like little girls being abducted from their bedrooms.
To minimize the my sketchy vibe, I felt it was best if I steered clear of Salt Lake City and spent most of these getaways 30 minutes away in Park City with my family, above par skiing, reputable (yet over hyped) movie festivals and dumps. That’s right. I said it. I do consider myself above bathroom humor...but sometimes it is just, shall I say, too good. The term that the Utahnites proudly use to describe a heavy snowfall is “Dump”. The regular Park City types enjoy nothing more to speak of snowstorms in the language of dump. As a comic, what blew me away was the brilliant poker face casualness that this word was always delivered.
-Park City Local # 1 – Jacqueline, welcome to Park City. You can look forward to some of the heaviest dumps that you have EVER experienced!
-Park City Local # 2 – Jacqueline, look what last night’s 2 foot dump did to the yard. It’s glorious!
-Park City Local # 3 – Jacqueline, if you’ll excuse me, I’m growing a tail. I have to go take a dump.
Yeah, # 3 was speaking dump proper.