October 20th, 2009
"Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy on life."
- Ayn Rand
I wouldn’t dare argue with this novelist, philosopher, playwright and screenwriter because according to a recent “New York Magazine” article on Rand, I would not win. So when it comes to our “sexin’” and “doing it” habits, she’d be able to dissect our essence like the frog that we cut into in 8th grade biology.I wonder what her conclusion would have been about the person who is an active participant on Craigslist’s Casual Encounters? I think I’d be able to sum up the virtue of an individual who posts an ad that says, “ Hey, I’d like you to meet me on the corner of 48th and 10th so I can piss on your face.” But I’ll leave that work to Rand because I already have a tool that lends me assistance when peeling the complex layers of all people that cross my path. MOVIE LINES.
The movie lines that ooze from mouths are remarkably efficient and effective barometers when deciphering a possible emotional, mental, spiritual and perhaps even physical connection with another human being. Some examples if you will:
Leslie Nielsen as Dr. Rumack in “Airplane!" – “I am serious... and don't call me Shirley."
OK, here are my thoughts on this one. The above quote is without a doubt one of the best movie lines of all time. But it’s obvious. We all know it. We all like it. We all quote it. If we cross paths, and this is what you give me, I will just end up feeling that you’re not trying hard enough. It’s like Twinkies and crème brule. Both delicious..but you gave me a Twinkie when I know that you’re capable of an original and clever crème brulle” . Rest assured, I haven’t ruled you out yet because I know you’re trying..you’re just not fully marinated. Spend a few weeks with me and I’ll have you wooing people when you casually and confidently drop something like, “I was born a poor black child.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger as The Terminator in "Terminator 2: Judgment Day”. - "Hasta la vista, baby."
OK. You’re a totally lost cause and have spiraled down the deepest abyss of lame movie quoting. To be blunt, I can’t help you and it’s best to stick with like-minded people who say, "I'm king of the world," "I'm just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to love her" and "What is the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull: lipstick.” Yes, the Sara Palin-ism is not from a movie but is worthy of inclusion because it’s the poster child for verbal vomit.
Steve Martin as Lucky Day in “¡Three Amigos!” - “In a way, all of us have an El Guapo to face someday. For some, shyness might be their El Guapo; For others, a lack of education might be their El Guapo; For us, El Guapo is a big dangerous guy who wants to kill us.”
If you quote the above within the context of casual unrelated movie quote banter, I will accept you into my circle of trust. For example, let’s say that I’m sensitive about being really bad at playing “Azurik: Rise of Perathia” on the Xbox. To alleviate my lack of self worth, you console me with, “Don’t worry Jax. Some people’s El Guapo is not liking Brussels sprouts. For others, its having the desire to rape and pillage nations. For you, El Guapo is having absolutely no talent for playing a video game intended for teenage boys that would allow you to journey through the vast world of Perathia gathering elemental disc fragments scattered across the many realms.” I would be smitten and try to one up you with, “Baxter you know I can't speak Spanish!” But you, Oh you, don’t miss a beat and give me a little, “What? You pooped in the refrigerator? And you ate the whole... wheel of cheese? How'd you do that? Heck, I'm not even mad; that's amazing!”