Monday, October 19, 2009

Day 72 - Ask Jax - Part 4

October 19th, 2009

Question: Can you really fart in a jar and save it for later? How long does it stay "fresh "? - Zachary B Atkinson, Wilmington, NC

Jax’s Answer: Yes, not only is farting in a jar possible, it is very practical. Of course it is best to let the world enjoy your potent flatulence when it ‘s freshest from your ass blower. However, there are circumstances when you’ll want to hold onto it for special occasions. Jar your backdoor breeze and keep it in the refrigerator for 2, maybe 3, days. You can also choose to freeze it. It holds up very well. If you had recently eaten a chain restaurant chimichanga, your fart might be extra grandiose and worthy of hanging onto. If this is the case, consider divvying it up into separate Ziploc bags so your blast from the ass trumpet can be enjoyed on multiple occasions. Remember, expelling something from deep inside your rectum can really touch someone else. On Valentine’s Day, nothing says “I love you” to your special someone like this combo: A little stuffed animal bear, chocolate from a local drugstore and of course, your fart in jar. Wrapping the jar with a red bow is optional. But a lovely sentiment.

Question: Who? What? Where? - Ruth Kabat Thomas – New York, NY

Jax’s Answer: Colonel Mustard did it with the candlestick in the billiard room.

Question: Is everyone else in the world a moron, or is it just me? - Ken Miller, Colorado Springs, CO

Jax’s Answer: The term moron was coined by psychologist Henry H. Goddard from the Greek word “moros”, which means "dull" and used to describe a person with a mental age located between 8 and 12. Ken, I hate to tell you that you live alone in Moronville. The rest of us have the mental age of 7 or 13. We’re cuspers. We’re like the Mexico and Canada to your America. We’ll wave to you from the borders.

Question - Why is it that when men 'fix' things...they immediately go into caveman mode? I can fix something without so much as uttering a fix everything from a lying down (on their backs) position while loud grunts, cussing, moaning and groaning continue consistently until the project is complete, or a woman calls in a professional? - Deidre Maggio Heisig

Jax’s Answer: Grunting has become associated with a very testosterone driven male form of expression. What’s interesting is that these gut wrenched sounds are actually a way for men to get in touch with their more feminine sides. When men are “fixing” things, it’s the perfect time to practice this language because women would never expect that this is what’s going down.
Have you ever seen 2 men at a grill having what appears to be a testosterone-off? Well, Ask Jax can translate Gruntinese. To women, the below dialogue sound like grunts..but they're enlightening conversations going on between these males:

-Man 1 - Did you catch “Grey’s Anatomy” last night?
-Man 2 – OMG…McDreamy makes my heart flutter!
-Man 1 – I’m thinking about joining the knitting club at the YWCA.
-Man 2 – You should! Nobody can beat your cross stitch Man 1.
-Man 1 – Let’s sing along to “I Will Survive”!
-Man 2 - Totally! it’s so empowering

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