Friday, October 23, 2009

Day 76 - I Hate Al Roker

October 23rd, 2009

A few questions that could quite possibly never be answered in the world of television hosts?

-When will the very fertile Elisabeth Hasselbeck stop breeding?
-How come Wolf Blitzer looks like a wolf?
-Kathy Lee Gifford. Why. Just why?

When I was doing sketch comedy, I created a character named Monica Merris. She was a self indulgent(with a heart of gold) television host of your stereotypical morning program. She was freakishly high wired(think Nancy Grace with bigger eyes, nicer suits and more of a regional friendly accent )and very open about binging and purging before going live. Monica’s ultimate downfall was always turning the interview back to herself and not even realizing it.

The best interviewers are the ones with amazing listening skills and who have the (sadly counter intuitive) impeccable talent for making the interviewee look good. That’s why there are so many failed late night talk show hosts. Words that come to mind as to why these short term hosts weren’t capable of “giving” to their guests:

Dennis Miller – Used words that his guests and the majority of America didn’t understand
Chevy Chase – Painkiller addiction
Alan Thicke– He was bewildered that he even had a show to be begin with
Craig Kilborne – Just a dick

Comedy Improv rule # 1, 2 and 3: If you make your partner look look good, the idea of agreement and LISTEN. All great hosts adhere to these methods when interviewing. Johnny Carson was the best at it. He went out of his way to focus on the person next to him and always made them come out glowing… even if they were shitty people. Stephen Colbert is so committed to brilliantly doing just the opposite with his parodied holier-than-thou Fox news-esque personality. His character is not capable of humility and I never tire of his over the top high-fiving the audience journey to his (already seated) guests.

Where in the world is Matt Lauer? My heart. I really like the guy. I can overlook his type A personality(anyone who gets up at 4:00am everyday has one) and the speculation that he cheated on his wife. After speaking to some people, it appears as if I am not alone in respecting the often voted sexiest man alive Today Show host. In fact, Matt might be the nucleus holding the show together as it seems that many of us have a deep disdain towards the rest of America’s favorite morning family. Ann Curry. Many of you just had one thing to say, “Ugh.” I’m alright with her. When she’s not tripping over her words, I find her voice very soothing. She would probably be better off reading a children’s book on tape called “The Diary of a Young Pony”. Meredith Vieira seems to also not be at the top of your list. I feel she’s pretty interchangeable and is just a “lesser than” Katie Couric. I see her eventually starring as a woman scorned in a Lifetime Original Movie called “Not Without my Stepson that I’m Sleeping With”.

However, There is none more dislikable to me than Al Roker. He even gets his own paragraph. I just go with my gut on this one. Disclaimer – This has nothing to do with the time he made Heidi Montag cry. That is his minuscule spec of saving grace. Why do I hate so? I passed him on the street once and quite simply, didn’t like his vibe. I’m sensitive to shit like that. I’ve never trusted his hyper entitled celebrity persona on TV. I don’t buy it. Willard Scott. I do believe that he is truly jolly and loves pictures of old people on Smucker’s jars. I keep hearing(from sources that are as reliable as Wikipedia) that Al is just a mean man. This info combined with my instinct leads me to believe there could be some truth to his evilness. Plus, we must add to the mix that he has no talent and is not easy on our eyes. All the gastric surgery did was leave him with a shar pei puppy version of his original dickish self.

So beware Roker. Karma works in mysterious ways. One day on might be pushed to the edge and your true self might surface and you could pull a “Sue Simmons”.

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