Thursday, October 15, 2009

Day 68 - My Left Foot. And My Right One Too

October 15th, 2009

I like pleasure. Of course there are the obvious partakings that lend well needed (and deserved) indulgence into our lives. There are also off the cusp personal desirable occurrences. In my case, I attain deep satisfaction when Al Roker is put in his place, my cheap $3 umbrellas does not immediately turn inside out and when I get to watch True Blood in silk jammies in a tempur-pedic bed while eating moo goo gai pan.

I was getting a pedicure recently and it occurred to me that this soothing foot treatment is also a top contender on the Jax-pleasure list. I think it is safe to assume that I am not alone because most of us have feet(I apologize to my readers who live near land mines.) I don’t think feet maintenance is only women-centric. I know a lot of you men love getting pedicures and it doesn’t mean you have “impure” homosexual tendencies. Well, it might make you a little gay. Just make sure you get to a grill immediately and assert your primal caveman manhood.

No one loves feet as much as Koreans and podiatrists. I love Korean nail salons for buffing our callouses and making our toes look pretty.. and all for a reasonable price. Plus, I’m a big fan of kimchi. We give podiatrists a bad wrap when we should recognize how blessed we are to have medical specialists with a passion…a passion for the foot. Let’s focus our doctor jokes on proctologists.

I admit that I have treated myself to reflexology a few times in my life. I drooled. Saliva actually exited my mouth. It’s pretty phenomenal that stimulating pressure points on our feet can affect physical and mental ailments. Chinese medicine. Don’t knock it. Feet are obviously very powerful and it’s a shame we hide them under shoes and socks three out of the four seasons.

As Ms. Korean foot beautifier was painting my nails, it came to my attention that every toe has a significant role on the foot:

Big toe - the stoic leader
Second toe - very capable second command
Middle toe - the bad ass with a bit of an edge. It’s a big “fuck you” if someone shoots you the middle toe.
Fourth Toe –the free spirit of the bunch. It has a mystique
Baby toe –probably the extra child that was unexpected..but it’s totally spunky, adorable and has a knack for scooping up cocaine

I asked my readers which toe was their favorite:

Middle, right foot
-Michael Dubow

Oh come on... who doesn't like a Big Toe ( "An army without leaders is like a foot without a big toe. And Sergeant Hulka isn't always gonna be here to be that big toe for us. I think that we owe a big round of applause to our newest, bestest buddy, and big toe... Sergeant Hulka." - John Winger (aka Bill Murray, Stripes, 1981)....
about an hour ago
-Andrew Mackler

The one that had roast beef and didn't share with the one that had none.
-Ted Kim

My 6th (or 11th) one
-Adam Holtz

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