October 26th, 2009
The philosopher Aristotle felt that anger was good for a person. In the "Nicomachean Ethics," he wrote, "The man who is angry at the right things and with the right people, and further, as he ought, when he ought, and as long as he ought, is praised." Um. I love praise! In order to celebrate one of the most important founding figures in Western philosophy, I'm attempting to allow myself to get more angry.
I tapped into my inner Lewis Black and here are: 35 things that piss Jax off:
1. Holocaust deniers
2. Mariachi bands on the subway at 7:00am
3. Being yelled at
4. People who are the most judgmental about drugs are the ones who should be doing them
5. Guys with Asian fetishes
6. Being depressed or having anxiety
7. People who think they’re profound but really aren’t
8. Commentators who just like the sound of their own voices
9. The fact that I wrote this sentence on my website that describes my comedy improv workshops:, “I know what it takes to deliver an experience that is low on stress and high on fun.”
10. Putting Disney movies in the vault
11. People so naïve that they should pronounce it nave
12. People who are all talk and no action
13. Kicking someone while they're down
14. People who say “Don’t bring Jesus into this.”
15. Trying to find Waldo(he’s kind of a dick)
16. People who are the The Yodas of movie ruining. “Bruce Willis was DEAD in the Sixth Sense. Bambi's mother dies. Crying Game. It's a dude.”
17. Cheap umbrellas turning inside out. Yet, I continue to buy them
18. The fact that people buy that the Pillsbury Doughboy and Snuggles the Fabric Softener are as happy as they let on
19. Mini Revolutions on Facebook when they redesign the site layout
20. People who act self-righteously to mask their own insecurity
21. The fact that David Caruso is considered a sex symbol
22. People who always emotional vomit on me
23. Obsessions with dead celebrities
24. CNN backdrop music after a horrific event in the news
25. Controlling people
26. When someone replies to an Evite with a: No +1. They’re basically telling me, “Not only will I not be coming..but someone you didn’t invite has also decided to pass.”
27. People who read The New York Post to get real news. It’s The Onion. Without the humor.
28. People who constantly mention that they have PhDs
29. People who cross the fine line between honesty and disrespect
30. When people say, “Being a kid in the 2000’s is tough.” You know what else is hard? Being an adult.
31. I’m sick of celebrities beating up paparazzi. Did you become an actor for the love of the craft or for fame? Sorry, lack of privacy is the price you pay. On some level, you love it and we know it.
32. Self righteous vegans and vegetarians
33. People who overuse exclamation points!
34. People who are so germaphobic that their debilitating phobia affects others
35. I am over 3 people: Gwyneth Paltrow, Suri Cruise and, of course, Al Roker. I’m done with you all. Now be gone.