Saturday, October 17, 2009

Day 70 - 69

October 17th, 2009

Yesterday I did 69 and felt pretty good about my effort, stamina and commitment. That’s right I wrote my 69th blog entry. What? You were thinking something else? Perv. Actually, no judgment because I am certain that I would have had the same preteen reaction. Just saying the number 69 often leads me to instantly utter something a little(a lot) like, “Hehehehe 69.”

One would think the number 69 should inspire some thoughts on the many significant events that happened during the year of 1969:

- Neil Armstrong walks on the moon.
- Members of "The Manson Family" kill (a 8 ½ month pregnant) Sharon Tate and 4 others.
- Woodstock Festival inspires music, peace and sassy drug use.

Yes, very pivotal happenings in 69(giggling again) and most of our minds atomically go to that mutually inverted sexual position. We’re awesome. There is something nostalgically “precious” about revisiting that feeling in our middle school sex ed class where basic diagrams of the johnson and punani could really bond the class(eliminate all cliques) as we would all look at each other with shifty eyes, fascinating embarrassment and failing miserably to hold in breathy laughter. Genitals really are a uniter not a divider. On many levels. The truth is, I am positive that we would still have the same reaction today if were sitting in a class amongst our peers and presented 2D geometric symbolic representations of the genitals. In fact, let’s all sign up for a sex ed continuing education class so we can reconnect with our preteen budding sexuality and simpler times.

No numeral(69 included) is inherently “dirty” . And now it’s a popular sexual reference and illegal in Georgia. I’m saddened that many of my college friends living in Atlanta are on the road to incarceration because I know them tomcats in the bedroom.

Which terms have been considered “dirty” from their introduction to the English language? In 1972, George Carlin listed them in his monologue "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". He ingeniously expresses amazement that these particular bleep-censored words could not be used regardless of context:

• Shit
• Piss
• Fuck
• Cunt
• Cocksucker
• Motherfucker
• Tits

He was arrested for disturbing the peace when he performed the routine at a show at Summerfest in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Now might be a good time for me to mention that of all the dead celebrities that George Carlin is my biggest crush. Jesus is a close second.

I would imagine that The Federal Government’s “bleep specialist” suffers from road rage and is heavy-handed with his or her honking use. This person is obviously incredibly uptight and I would never invite the conservative fuck(bleep) over to my house for crudités, Yahtzee and key parties. I want to challenge said bleepers with words that sound dirty but aren’t. I want them to panic, sweat and fear job termination when the following words present themselves on the airwaves. For example, I think “beef patty” has a scandalous ring to it. I asked you all for your thoughts: As usual, you didn’t disappoint.

Words or phrases that Jax’s blog readers think sound dirty..but are not:

fallacious, ramrod, angina, May I push your stool in for you? Lick my Man Bag, camel toe, mukluk, ball-peen hammer, Doggie Style Grooming Salon, Bangkok, moist, tempus fugits, duty, titmouse, crotchety, ballcock, rectory, kumquat, manhandle , A pair of tickets halfway up the end zone, discharge, bagina, Come Soon( Chinese restaurant in Israel), phucket and Dick Butkus.

I LOVE my blog readers. I would totally virtually 69 all of you.

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