Sunday, October 11, 2009

Day 64 - Ask Jax - Part 3

October 11th, 2009

Below is my 3rd installment of my blog's "Ask Jax" series. I continue to be open to answering ANY questions.

Question: Do you think capitalizing the word "ANY" will lead to people (read: men) to ask provocative questions?
Ed Blank, Canton, Ohio

Jax's Answer: Yes, penises work in mysterious ways. Please refer to “Day 35 – Penis” -

Question: So what if there is water on the moon - then what?
Brian Levy – Dallas, Texas

Jax's Answer: First, let me be clear that there IS water on the moon. I know this because I’m a member of the Facebook Group, “Fan of Water on the Moon”. Neil Armstrong, the first person to set foot on the celestial body, has an impressive resume indeed: Astronaut, university professor and United States Naval Aviator. But what few people know is that he was an avid Slip 'n Slider. In fact, he told Nasa that the only way he would even consider the expedition into space was if he could bring his sheet of thin plastic to partake in some slipping and some sliding. He was unyielding with his demands and they eventually budged. As Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin were moon loitering, they crossed paths with some lovely extraterrestrial life. They asked the Moonites if they could attach their hose to the alien’s spigot. The nonhuman species were delighted to accommodate…on one condition..they could partake is some sliding too. After good times were had by all, they all high-fived and the humans headed back to earth. Yes, there are various conspiracy theories claiming that the landings were falsifications staged by NASA . Well naysayers, if you look at the moon on a clear night, you will see reminisce of the yellow slippery plastic. So Brian, we have established that water is available on the moon. You ask “Then what?” There really is no reason for further voyages because today’s youth are playing Slip N’ Slide on the Xbox.

Question: Where have all the flowers gone?
Julie Trell, San Francisco, California

Jax's Answer: A lot of the flowers have gone to my friends. On my 30th birthday, I had a brunch with some of my favorite girls. In the spirit of “celebrating” them, I gave each of these special ladies a flower symbolic of the significance that they have played in my life.

Laura/Hydrangea – Keen ability for understanding
Galia/Sunflower – Warmth and nourishment
Marissa/Snapdragon- Gracious lady
Jen/Daisy – Innocence and youth
Deb/Iris – Faith, valor, wisdom
Claire/Bird of Paradise – Good perspective.

As you know, I possess the ability to communicate with inanimate objects( Please refer to Day 55 - Inanimate Object Whisperer Since my birthday, I’ve had quite a few candid conversations with floral arrangements. Although they appreciate being connected to celebration, housewarming gifts and corsages, they often feel the need to rebel like an angry teenager. Where have all the flowers gone? A lot of them get addicted to Adderall, wrapped up with deviants that they met on Myspace and move to the Mexican desert only to get caught up in botany drug rings. Only the flowers that can live in arid desert climate survive. It’s very sad.

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