June 21st, 2010
This is the 18th installment of my "Ask Jax" series. I'm open to answering any of your pressing inquiries. Any topic. I can't guarantee instant publication, but I will hold onto all questions and attempt to answer them at some point during my 365 day blog entry challenge. Remember there are no stupid questions. Just stupid people who ask questions.
If British singers can sing without a British accent, why can't they TALK without a British accent? Claudia Mizrahi - Brooklyn, New York
Jax's Answer: Your inquiry stumped my (limited) wisdom so I went directly to a credible source...English singer-songwriter, Elton John. We met for high tea and he insisted that he'd only speak to me if I wore his duck suit. I did. Not flattering. In the hip area. As he dipped his crumpet into Earl Grey( FYI, crumpet is code for a body part and we were joined by his special friend, Early Grey), he revealed, "If Madonna took our accent, we're going to take her singing voice. Please note that we're not interested in her passion for Kabbalah, freakishly muscular arms and STD's. Oh yeah. Her teeth...we'd like those too. Impressive dental work...not our strength."
What is going on in Trueblood? I am confused - Ruth Kabat Thomas - New York, New York
Jax's answer: Does it really matter? They're still hot. And getting naked. Come on Ruth.
Why don't you have your own TV show or column when there are so many untalented hacks out there that do? - Lance Hoffman, Forrest Hills, New York
Jax's answer: 3 possibilities:
- My subconscious fear of success
- My fear of zombies
- My fear of the success of zombies
Why are cats such assholes? Susanna Hegner, New York, New York
You'd be an asshole too if you were subject to a traumatic humiliating demotion. Imagine living in ancient Egypt and being considered an esteemed, aristocratic and sacred mammal. Cut to current day where you're eating second rate generic Tender Viddles, being "entertained" by yarn and cleaning your ass with your tongue. The only relief you get is when your feline dealer gets you the nip. According to the cat blogs(and adding insult to injury), it seems as if there is a group of skin head canines that want to wipe out the entire feline race. The first step in this genocide is weeding them out by breeding them with poodles One word: Pussydoodle.