Sunday, June 13, 2010

Day 309 - The Hairy One. Not so Scary

June 13th, 2010

I just learned a new word: Portmanteau, a word concocted by fusing two different words together into one.

Some examples:

Web + Log = Blog
Smoke + Fog = Smog
Jacqueline + Taxi = Jaxi

That's right. I'm a portmanteau! During my sophomore year in college, I came alarmingly close to being hit by a taxi. My friends were inspired to make a linguistic blend and combined Jacqueline and taxi. For several years, I was Jaxi. Shortly after I moved to New York, the Northeasterners took it upon themselves to shorten my nickname. Just how they roll. I've been Jax ever since.

I'm fortunate because I feel confident that my nickname suits me.

A large part of the population, however, that often gets shafted in the nickname arena are serial killers. Who makes up these unimaginative, uninspired and uninventive labels. Oh you don't say? The same person who names hurricanes after strippers. Makes sense.

Anyone who murders in bulk should no longer have the following overused words in their nickname: Ripper, Strangler or Midnight. The (I did not make them up) serial killers below were assigned nicknames that are just belittling to the art of murdering and (I'm ashamed to admit) made me Chortle(chuckle + snort.)

- The Hairy One - Hairy and a serial killer? Life has dealt this guy an unfortunate hand.

- The Shoe-Fetish Slayer - I heard "The Sex in the City" sequel is pretty horrendous. So did this guy.

- The Giggling Granny - This just doesn't scare me because it just sounds too adorable.

- Smelly Bob - Is it lacking in social refinement to not shower before serial killing?

- The Vampire of Dusseldorf - The word "Dusseldorf" makes me giggle.

- Killer from the Shadows - Really? That's the best you do? You're not even trying. Now I kinda want to kill you.

To whomever created these nicknames, your sterile talent just diminishes the fine reputation that a serial killer deserves. Shame on you.

You are a diche.

Douche + Dick

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