Day 300 - An Inconvenient Douche

June 4th, 2010

Al and Tipper Gore have announced they are breaking up.

After the Nobel Peace prize laureate lost his grasp on that presidential job thingy, he gained strength with the success of his film that focused on his travels in support of his efforts to educate the public about the severity of the climate crisis, "An Inconvenient Truth". Clearly, AG has resurfaced from hitting rock bottom before. I've put in several (unreturned) phone calls to Al Gore urging him to use the same healing tool that was his saving grace after his last tragic loss: Make a movie...about being wronged by his soon to be former wife. I see this straight to video feature following him around as he tries to educate the world on the demise of his marriage from his high school sweetheart, wife of forty years and recipient of an impressive French kiss at the Democratic National Convention in August 2000. The title is a work in progress but so far my imaginary focus groups seems to resonate with: "Tipper Gore: An Inconvenient Douche".

Some highlights:

- Gore opens the film by greeting an audience with a joke: "I am Al Gore; I used to be the next President of the United States. And married". After the crowds laughs, Gore begins his slide show on his marital years; a comprehensive presentation with detailed graphs, flow charts that demonstrate Tipper's mood plummeting to the dark side when she was "flowing" and stark visuals which show his former wife wearing white after Labor Day, eating live goldfish and making out with Hilary Clinton in a strip mall parking lot in Duluth. Gore shows off several majestic photographs of himself saving kittens from trees. They're Persian.

- The former Vice President recalls a story from their high school years. He admits, "Tipper is evil and I should have seen the red flag when she was voted, 'Most likely to violate the most basic moral and ethical standards prescribed by a society, philosophy and religion'."

- Gore refers to his loss to George W. Bush in the 2000 United States presidential election as a "hard blow" yet subsequently "Tipper initiated the end to an active sex life. And all blows."

Smell Oscar? I do.

Even the staunchest global warming denier is sure to love this film and admit,"Gore had me on the edge of my seat being gripped by a haunting message. "Tipper Gore: An Inconvenient Douche" is not a story of despair but rather a rallying cry to protect the earth from Tipper. It's now clear that she is back on the market and that requires us to act boldly, quickly and wisely."

Even the staunchest global warming denier is sure to love this film and admit,"Gore had me on the edge of my seat being gripped by a haunting message. "Tipper Gore: An Inconvenient Douche" is not a story of despair but rather a rallying cry to protect the earth from Tipper. It's now clear that she is back on the market and that requires us to act boldly, quickly and wisely."