April 28th, 2010
Today is my 7th installment of my “Nonchalant Observer” series. On day 22, I observed (judged) what crossed my path as I sat with my coffee on my Brooklyn stoop. On day 38, I took you with me to the happenings of beach life in the surfing town of Hermosa Beach, California. On day 112, we crossed the age gap and hit a retirement community. During happy hour. You came with me to my father and stepmother’s house for brunch in Westchester, New York on day 141 and you joined me as I was being shot in a piece for Current TV on day 205. On Day 210, you were part of my Grandma Harriet’s 90th birthday celebration in Charlotte, North Carolina. Today I stood like a hooker with Marc Jacobs sunglasses and observed the environment on the corner of 49th and Madison in Manhattan. I scrutinized a paella of the corporate community, Times Square freaks and tourists just a few blocks from the epicenter of the manically over lit nightmare and additional precious gems in New York.
The following is presented in “real” time: 11:00am-12:00pm
11:02 - A red double-decker bus drives by with (from what I assume) are German tourists. They love that shit. And Schnitzel. One guy takes a picture of me. In my mind’s eye, I assume his name is Heinrich.
11:09 - Disheveled older woman wearing smeared blue eyeliner walks by in giant pink bunny slippers. I am sad for her. And my heart breaks that two innocent bunnies had to die so her feet could experience the ultimate in comfort and style.
11:17 - Two 14 year oldish twin girls in matching attire saunter by. I try to figure out which one is the evil one. I'll go with the one on the left.
11:23- A baby in a high end stroller is wearing a t-shirt that says, “I’m very complicated.” I want it.
11:28 - While the cross walk sign says, “Don’t Walk”, A business man dodges heavy moving machinery and frantically attempts to cross the street. He’s good. Like Frogger good.
11:33 - A low flying commercial plane passes above. This circumstance does not go over well with New Yorkers . Mild panic. No incident. Everyone continues on their course.
11:39 - A homeless man walks by with a shopping cart. I am ashamed because the word “derelict” pops into my head. I pathetically continue my journey down the road to disgrace by recalling the following dialogue from ”Zoolander”.
Hansel: I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.
Derek Zoolander: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.
11: 45 - I ‘m listening to half a fight that a 40 something woman is having on her cell phone with (presumably) a significant other. In a heated moment, she tells him that he has small hands. Brutal.
11: 52 - The wind blows and a man’s comb over seamlessly repositions itself at a vertical angle on top of his head. This is a horrible development…only closely followed by having a comb over to begin with.
11:59 – During my nonchalant observational hour, I did a count of people who entered the Starbucks across the street with their laptops. Final tally: 2,128