April 8th, 2010
On day 158 of my 365 day blog challenge, I wrote an entry called “Jew, Not-a-Jew or Canadian?” I gave you scenarios and asked you which of these three categories the examples fell under. http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-158-jew-not-jew-or-canadian.html. On Day 166, I brought to you another list to test your knowledge of 3 interchangeable people: Bill O’Reilly, Kanye West and Mother Teresa. http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010/01/day-166-bill-oreilly-kanye-west-or.html. On day 235, we determined if we were celebrating the interchangeable holidays of Easter, Passover or The Festival of Steve Guttenberg? http://jacquelinekabat.blogspot.com/2010/03/day-235-passover-easter-or-steve.html
Today we’re going to test if you’re suffering from fears that are most likely keeping your psychologist, spiritual adviser and drug dealer in business.
Do you suffer a debilitating anxiety around experiencing failure, abandonment or zombies?
Let’s take a look.
• You failed the second grade. You feel like an insufficient underachiever and fear having the career path of New Coke.
• During your formative years, mom and dad left you. In your adult life, you end up exerting a great deal of energy to please others, are self-sacrificing and constantly attempt to elicit the approval of others. You cry.
• In preparation for a doomsday scenario, you stockpile water, non-perishable food and suitable weaponry capable of destroying the brains of the living dead. Machetes, crowbars and wood chippers are highly recommended. By Oprah.
• You failed the bar exam 5 times. You feel like an insufficient underachiever and fear having the career path of an Enron executive.
• Your spouse walked out on you. In your next relationship, you develop a dependent personality that leaves you docile, passive and nonassertive. You cry. Like a baby.
• You have befriended young boys who play Dungeons and Dragons in their parents' 1970's wood paneled basement, watch the “Thriller Video” (once every 27 minutes) and have never kissed a girl.
• You failed your drug test. For your new job. At Wal-Mart. You feel like an insufficient underachiever and fear having the career path of “My Buddy”. The doll. For boys.
• Your children want nothing to do with you and you continually hum the chorus from Cats in the Cradle.”
• “And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man on the moon
When you comin' home son?
I don't know when, but we'll get together then son
You know we'll have a good time then.”
Then you cry. Like a baby. That is little.
• You have dreams of the undead violently devouring your human flesh. Evidently, you taste like chicken.