April 17th, 2010
I’ve never had an imaginary friend. But if I did, I assume his name would be Voldar. Half serpent. Half transvestite. My made-up companion would stimulate my creativity, imagination and massage my feet while I wrote my daily blog.
Like any imaginary friend relationship, there would be good days and bad days. For instance, Voldar might want us to take an online class called “Learn Finnish in 18 hours”. But I’d rather spend my day marketing my new business, Baby Doo-rags. For Babies. In Baby Gangs. This is a parcel of being one half of a make-believe couple.
Now and again, however, our differences might become more severe and can lead to our demise. There can be signs of looming trouble, and when they are seen with some regularity, it might be time to cut our losses and end our imaginary friend union.
Signs That It's Time To Break Up With your Imaginary Friend
- There’s No Talk of the Future - One of the most natural and exciting parts of being involved with someone that doesn’t exist is seeing a future together. You’re perfectly comfortable to plan for the holidays, dream about a make-believe home and ponder possible names for future imaginary friends.…should you decide to bring more delusional companionship on board. Common in Mormon communities.
- Lack of Effort - Now you can’t even be bothered to come up with fake plans. Gone are the long walks, spontaneous getaways and picnics by the river filled with contaminated sewage.
- Fighting Dirty - For example, I might purposely rile Voldar up by voicing his weak spots– his body image, his mother and his inability to tie his shoe.
Should you be back on the market, there is hope: Imaginaryfriends.com - The trusted online site for imaginary friends.
Here’s what Voldar had to say:
“When Jax and I broke up, I was certain that no human would be delusional enough to make me up as a pretend companion again. Luckily...I was wrong. I took a chance, created a profile and now I am the imaginary friend to a person way hotter, more interesting and emotionally available. Finally, someone to go parasailing with! Thanks Imaginaryfriends.com!”