Day 254 – Estrogen. In Bulk

April 19th, 2010

I first crossed paths with the enchanting Laura Walters when we were four years old. We’d hang out under tables at potluck dinners when our older brothers were celebrating their trustworthiness, responsible citizenship and not so figure flattering uniforms at Cub Scout banquets. Order of the Arrows. A few years later we reconnected in ballets class, middle school, high school and at the University of Georgia. After college, we were separated when I moved up to New York and she went on to get her Masters at Oxford University.

The universe seems pretty adamant about not keeping us apart for any extended length of time because my lifelong friend now lives a few blocks from me in Brooklyn.We can't quit each other.

Laura is getting married next month and is a stellar example of manifesting true desires. She always had an affinity for Jewish men and, when living in England, developed a primal longing for the ways of the British lads. Danny, her groom to be, is….wait for it… Jewish and British.

For her bachelorette party this past Saturday,13 girls met for dinner at Freemans on the Lower East Side to celebrate all that is Laura. The executive decision was made not to equip this soiree with tacky paraphernalia. But, for the record, there is always room for penis straws. We were a relatively tame group of women, but there is always an unavoidable energy buzz when estrogen is in bulk. Our waiter was undoubtedly worn out after tending to our every edible and drinkable desires. Looking back, someone should have put out for him.

Prior to dinner, childhood friends, Jodie Tuchman-Holtz and Dana Lanier Schaffer, arranged for some of Laura’s oldest friends to meet at a salon in Chinatown where we received makeovers and learned the pros and cons of drinking in the early afternoon. Below are a few highlights:

- Our sassy little makeup instructor was credible because she looked 30. Actual age: 50. A hero to those with a fear of aging.

- Jodie and Dana had arranged for some tapas to be delivered to the salon. Have you ever been handed a cocktail and a scallop wrapped in prosciutto while learning how to contour your eyes? You should.

- I asked a question about mascara clumping. Jodie says, “Good question Jax.” Coming from Jodie, this felt good because she’s always been wise beyond her years. In fact, as 11 year olds, we'd comment on how her 6th grade school picture looked more like that of an eight grader’s. Could have been the up collar.

- Everyone was taking notes and I had memories of feeling insecure about all of their handwriting being better than mine. I write like a second grader. An insane second grader.

- As Laura was being made up, she was going from pretty to prettier. She looked like an angel. But not like the 1984 movie, “Angel”. Tagline: “High School Honor Student by Day. Hollywood Hooker by Night.”

- For no apparent reason, I took out my Mr.T talking key chain that says “I pity the fool”,”Quit your jibba jabba” and “Don’t gimme no back talk, sucka.” No one cared.

- As we were leaving, I had a poignant moment around being with girlfriends who I’ve known since before puberty, sat shotgun in my first car, a ”This might ruin my childhood” early 70’s navy blue Caprice Classic, and were willing to stand by me through brutal hair mistakes: Sun-In, perms and chunky bangs. With feathers.

Thank you girls. That is all.

"One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim." - George Carlin