April 24th, 2010
My Facebook status update this morning: Going on a bike ride. Destination: Bacon Chili Cheese Dog at Nathans in Coney Island.
My planned activities were well received because many people commented on my post. With smiley face emoticons:
“Sounds fantastic :)”
“Wowww what a plan! Love it all..." (No smiley face. But I feel the exclamation point really reeks of happiness.)
To my credit, after not being on a bike for 2 1/2 years, I joined some friends for an 11.1 mile ride through Brooklyn to get to Coney Island. Although I did release more than a few primitive “I’ve been on an extended exercise sabbatical” grunts, I admit that I felt wonderfully liberated with my hair flowing in the wind, the tan coming out of hibernation and voyaging wistfully on my “blue steel” colored rental bike. With a basket. For Toto.
Once we arrived at the oceanfront of “America's summer playground”, the allure of consuming a moist soft edible consisting of the last traces of usable meat from a slaughterhouse had dissipated.
I blame my unintended disinterest in moving forward with hot dog action on last night’s excessive meal at my neighborhood’s delightfully under priced Dominican restaurant. My stomach spoke to me candidly, “Jax. I’m occupied. Out of service. Get a hold of yourself. Bitch. And while you’re there….win me a giant blue teddy bear. No reason.” My digestive tract had never been so relentlessly feisty. I assume she was being influenced by last night’s meal of Latin sass.
Although I'm tempted to delve deeper into the specific goings-on in my colon, I will give you the gift of steering away from that theme and share a few of today's Coney Island highlights:
- We rode the Wonder Wheel, a 90 year old steel Ferris wheel with rocking cars that slide along a track. I experienced those warm nostalgic feelings from childhood while being provided impressive aerial views of the carnival, boardwalk and ocean. There was something exponentially old school about riding a rickety piece of heavy machinery that’s been around longer than a woman’s right to vote.
- Next stop was Spook-a-Rama, a haunted house. I’m generally intrigued by any space that is inhabited by what appear to be supernatural beings. That’s why I live in New York. Although I was impressed with Spook-a-Rama’s sounds, lighting and special effects, I left dissatisfied, unfulfilled and only mildly scared. Besides, how good can a haunted house be if you’re alive when you leave?
- Before heading home, we took in a show, “The Coney Island Circus Sideshow”. Tag Line: “They’re here, they're real and they're alive! Freaks, wonders and human curiosities!” Master of Ceremonies, Donny Vomit, did an exceptional job of keeping the show fluid, engaging and amusing while introducing acts like a snake charmer named Sepertina (a little too overweight to be wearing S&M apparel) and fire eater, breather and twirler, Insectavora Angelica.
Our multitalented sideshow host, Mr. Vomit, was able to hammer a 6 inch nail into his skull. Yet word on the freak show blogs is that he's scared to eat a Bacon Chili Cheese Dog at Nathans. However, he is open to drilling a Hebrew National Hot Dog into his cranium. Just the kind of guy he is.