April 10th, 2010
We asked for it. We got it. We’ve already been transfixed, enticed and lured in by the magnetic artistry of calendars filled with Sports Illustrated swimsuit models, sexy firemen and adorable kittens. 2010 has stepped up to the plate and given us something more erotic, playful, and yes, Government approved.
The 2010 Sexy Census Counter’s Calendar!
You will be the envy of your colleagues at your dead end job when you flair up your gray carpeted cubicle wall with this arousing 12 month pictorial of census workers. America's true heroes.
Who wouldn’t want to see the taut fit bodies of these hot blooded American citizens whose life path has lead them to a short term temp job paying $14 an hour?
Let’s meet some of the counters:
Mr. February – Donnie Davis
While growing up in Cincinnati, Ohio, Donnie had a calling to systematically acquire and record information about the members of a given population. Mr. Davis is an African American (which explains why he was chosen for the February spread. Black History month.) Although he steered off track by getting a PhD in neurobiology, taking Kabbala courses guided him back to his life’s purpose. Even though he is deeply offended that ‘Negro’ is an option on the census, it doesn’t overshadow his heartfelt passion. Counting.
Ms. July– Lauren Bernard
Lauren was raised in Aberdeen, South Dakota, spent three years as a customer service captain at Wal-mart and was born with a knack for locating households. She feels blessed to have been chosen over the stringent competition of lost souls who needed short term temp jobs. Lauren has been praised for going that extra mile with her census work. For example, she suggests using an abacus in heavily populated Greek communities.
Mr. November – Abe Arthur
Abe has been the reigning bingo champion at the Shorefront Jewish Geriatric Center in Brooklyn, New York for the past decade. He admits that asking people their sex, age, date of birth, race and ethnicity can be an exhausting undertaking for a man his age. He rehydrates with Ensure. His innate ability to conduct brief personal interviews with citizens and record responses on paper forms…will leave you wanting more.
Run to the nearest dumpster behind your local Barnes & Noble to get your copy of the Sexy Census Counter’s Calendar.
Why should we salute these virtuous census counters that epitomize strength, character and ability while knocking on our doors? Because, in reality, they’re knocking on our hearts.