Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Day 144 - Jacqueline Kabat Stripper and Nun Training Facility

December 30th, 2009

This entry is being conceptualized to you from inside my brain which is residing inside Jet Blue flight 1061. I’m flying from New York to Austin, Texas to teach a comedy improv workshop at a fancy destination spa called Lake Austin Spa and Resort. Basically, I get flown out, put up in a fancy room, fed food made with love and massaged for teaching something I love for a strenuous hour a day. I can’t believe that I get paid for this shit. My life isn’t this glamorous the rest of the year. Yesterday I ate a Cliff Bar with a knife and fork to add some sophistication to my brunch. That’s a lie. I used a spork.

At 5:30 am this morning in 20 degree weather, I told my car service guy that I’m going to JFK Airport. Lucky guy. That JFK. Well, not that lucky at the end. But his legacy simply can’t be ignored because his name is attached to our airports, high schools, scholarships and pretty much anything else within the scope of reputable, class and achievement.

What about entities, objects and whatnot that fall under the umbrella of “less fortunate”? I will donate my name (more of a loan actually….with interest) to these things that deserve the opportunity to have a name preceding their function in order to gain some notoriety and leverage.

Jacqueline Kabat Large Animal Feces Removal Equipment

Jacqueline Kabat Scholarship for Mediocre Students Who Get Into Ivy League Schools Because Their Rich Parents Donated a Library

Jacqueline Kabat Terrorist Training Camp: “Our monkey bars will get you killing in no time!”

Jacqueline Kabat Highway to Hell

Jacqueline Kabat School for "Extras" in Film and Television. “Inspiring failed actors to second guess their career choice since 1988.”

Jacqueline Kabat Duct Tape: “Quiets the screams of even your peskiest of hostages.”

Jacqueline Kabat Ointment Cream for Anything You’re Embarrassed to Tell Your Lover About

No comments:

Post a Comment