December 29th, 2009
(2010 has invited all the years to his ski lodge in Aspen. 1984 and 2001 are sitting in the steam room)
2001 – It’s good to see you 1984. You look well.
1984 - Thanks, I’ve been upping my confidence since I’ve been dressing a little more Miami Vice-esque. It’s a bummer that 2009, 1955 and 1972 couldn’t make it.
2001 – Yeah, 2009 was busy burying dead celebrities, 1955 is hanging out with Rosa Parks on a bus and 1972 broke her foot after tripping on some wiring at the Watergate hotel.
1984 – Tragic. I know you know a thing or two about tragedy 2001.
2001 – Oh that I do 1984. 9/11 did give me the leverage to win the tragic year sob story contest trophy. Let’s move forward.
1984 – Fair enough.
(1969 enters, removes his towel and sits in the nude)
2001 – (Disturbed) Whoa!!...1969. No free love here in 2010’s steam room.
1984 – Some coverage. Please. Get a hold of yourself.
1969 – Sorry guys. I just came from this sick concert in Woodstock, New York. For a minute, I thought that I was in a trip tent. My bad.
(1945 enters. She’s in a full coverage bathing suit and a large ribbed swim cap)
1984 – 1945, you look great!
2001 – The end of World War 2 agrees with you.
1945 – Thanks guys. I needed a good event. First, Hiroshima...and 1982 had to rub it in when I saw him last year on the booze cruise in Cabo and he had the band play, “You Dropped a Bomb on Me”.
1969 – Yeah. That was low on the groovy scale.
1945 - On top of that, I had to get a restraining order against 1979 because he went into a jealous rage after 1991 told him about my threesome with 2003 and 1985.
1969 – That’s hot 1945. But I feel you. I wrote a poem for 1968 saying it was time to say goodbye. The essence of the prose was that it wasn’t her..it was me. She was “super cool”…but I didn’t see us moving forward. 1970 and I just got each other. It was very stressful. It made me herpes flare up.
1984 – A poem? Lame. You’re better than that 1969.
2001 –The only people who should be writing poetry are E. E. Cummings, Maya Angelou and Dr. Seuss.
1945 – I agree. I went to see 1988 in a poetry slam. It was just a bad comedy show.
2001 – Yeah, poets mean well...they just get on my nerves. Anyways, it’s really cool that 2010 invited us here for New Years. I haven’t seen him much.
1984 – He’s a little nervous. It’s a lot of pressure being a new year.
2001- Totally. I had to follow the millennium. Luckily she turned out to be overrated so it made my inauguration less humiliating.
1969 – 2010 is preparing. He’s been hydrating, doing Pilates and working on some catastrophes to make his year memorable. I saw his to do list on an excel spreadsheet. He has some real zingers planned!
1984 – Do tell!
1969 – I don’t want to give too much away. But I will tell you this. He finds out who shot Kennedy, the cure for the common cold and finds out where the weapons of mass destruction are. He saves it all on a word document and then…stay with me… his computer crashes! Y2K shows up and says, “Sorry I’m ten years late"…and then destruction ensues.
2001 – That bitch! But it sounds like a great story line. Looking forward to it.
1984 – I’m getting hot. We should probably check in on 1975. She just gave birth to Jacqueline Kabat.
1945 - Oh boy. 1975 is going to need our help. Put on your game face years.
(They all take a collective deep breath in agreement and exit)