Saturday, December 12, 2009

Day 126 - The Cleanse of the Karma

Saturday December 12th, 2009

I’m committing myself to karma cleansing. Those of you following my blog know that I am involved in a bit of a scandal. For details, read yesterday’s blog: Although there was no malicious intent on my end regarding this incident, it did provoke me to reflect on scenarios with people and things where I am willing to acknowledge that I was at fault. I want to shake hands with the new year and say, “Hello 2010, I dedicate this year to maintaining a clear conscience, staying true to myself and trying to convince people not to just stand still on moving sidewalks at airports. By the way 2010, you look great. Have you lost weight? I see it in your face.”

Jax’s Karma cleansing list:

In 7th grade, I sprayed cheap drugstore Sun-In in my hair. Result – My mane transformed into an over bronzed (with a hint of green) disaster. It’s very possible that the contents in this spray contained particles from space. I’m sorry hair.

My freshman year in college I made a B on a paper in my English 101 class. I always made A’s on papers. My teacher was an innocent looking graduate student just a few years older than I was. After class, I confronted him about my grade and spoke in a tone that I am ashamed of. He might have cried. Sorry fragile English 101 graduate student teacher.

When I was 6, I dressed our cat in a bonnet, put him in a baby carriage and pushed him down the stairs. Sorry Catty. Also, sorry we named you Catty.

A few months ago, I saw a cop trip over crime scene tape and giggled as I saw him fall most ungracefully to the ground. Sorry cop. It was just so sad and magical at the same time.

During the Gay Pride Parade, I conceptualized the idea of a “Straight Shame March”. Sorry straight people with shame.

When I was 8, I went out to eat with my father and brother and attempted to balance a glass bowl of Jell-O on my head. Cut to chards of glass on an early 80’s carpet that resembled a Cosby sweater. I’m sorry what used to be an intact glass bowl.

I sent a text to my friend last night and ended it with an emoticon. I’m sorry Brian. I’m better
than that. You're better that. We're better than that.

Recently the man next to me on the subway fell asleep with his head on my shoulder. I moved away. Sorry tired man. You were harmless and I know my shoulder is exceptionally comfortable.

My senior year in high school I threw a party and some friends were shot gunning marijuana into the mouth of my yellow lab, Honey. So sorry I wasn’t there to stop your introduction to drug use Honey. I was busy preventing people from making out in my parent’ bed.

I was the only girl in my comedy improv group for years. I would be left alone when the guys would go to the bathroom during rehearsal. I wrote a sketch with my thoughts about what the guys really did in the bathroom. It involved them peeing on each other while chanting “God damn, I love my penis!” Sorry guys. I know you weren’t giving each other golden showers. You were just making out.

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