December 22nd, 2009
Last night I ate at Zaytoons, a small Brooklyn neighborhood BYOB Middle Eastern restaurant. My companion (that word makes me feel British for reasons unknown) and I ended up ordering the highly recommended Shawarma Pizza. I can assure you this union was a carnival in my mouth and will most likely prove to be an explosion in my digestive system at some point today. We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I imagine that the conceptualization of combining these two succulent delectable delights joined forces by accident or with the aid of some higher power that has no patience for vegetarians and vegans.
Let’s write this. Shall we? The scene takes place in Turkey because it’s betweenish Italy and the Middle Eastern countries. Two men are rounding separate corners. Luigi is eating pizza and Akbar is eating Shawarma. They collide and the dialogue is as follows:
Luigi - Hey! You stuck your sandwich-like wrap of shaved lamb, goat, chicken, turkey, beef, and other halal mixtures of meats in my oven-baked round bread covered with a tomato-based sauce and cheese!
Akbar – No! You stuck your oven-baked round bread covered with a tomato-based sauce and cheese in my sandwich-like wrap of shaved lamb, goat, chicken, turkey, beef, and other halal mixtures of meats!
Then the light bulb went off and I shamelessly devoured that light bulb last night. Because as we know, even if I get fat…I have a great personality.
Below are a few other great unions in history that really gained momentum when combining their best of attributes and joined forces for a common purpose. Standing on their own..they’re just…eh…
Men in power and infidelity
Reality shows and idiots
Bed & Bed AND Beyond
Canines and ass sniffing
Clippy the pompous somersaulting Microsoft Word paperclip showing up against
my will and makes me feel bad about myself
Codependents and codependents
Drunkenness and bad decision making with lack of accountability
Truckers and hemorrhoids
Crest whitening strips and Joe Biden
Tom cruise and intergalactic confederacies
Russian women and waxing
Cosmopolitans and girl who still watch “Sex and the City”
Gay men and jazz hands