Monday, December 21, 2009

Day 135 - The Sunny Side of Koons & Darko

December 21st, 2009

Happy Winter Solstice Y’all! I just wanted to give you a heads up in case it slipped your mind that the 21st of December is when the earth's axial tilt is farthest away from the sun at its maximum of 23° 26'. My suggestion readers: Really OWN your seasonal depression today because your excuse for your shit mood will lose validity as the sun makes its welcomed lengthier visits for the next six months. If you want to be a victim. Today is your day. The rest of the year…not that sexy.

I want to take the 180 degree approach and argue that there is a richness to the malaise of darkness that serves as a springboard back to brightness. Breakdowns are breakthroughs. Someone playing a Tibetan bowl and smelling of the pleasant union of patchouli and body odor told me that once. I’m a big fan of all things analogues to make sense of cosmic angst. I feel dark cult films act as a lovely metaphor for exemplifying lightness in the darkest and most troublesome of scenarios. Let’s look at a few quotes from classic cult classic films that are so wrong. Yet, so right.

PULP FICTION - Captain Koons: “The way your dad looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopes gonna put their greasy yellow hands on his boy's birthright, so he hid it, in the one place he knew he could hide something: his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable piece of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.”

MOMMIE DEAREST: Joan Crawford: “SCRUB, Christina. SCRUB.” Why didn’t I write the wire hanger quote? Too obvious. Hardcore cult classic types would shun me.

DONNIE DARKO - Donnie: [shouts] “First of all, Papa Smurf didn't create Smurfette. Gargamel did. She was sent in as Gargamel's evil spy with the intention of destroying the Smurf village. But the overwhelming goodness of the Smurf way of life transformed her. And as for the whole gang-bang scenario, it just couldn't happen. Smurfs are asexual. They don't even have... reproductive organs under those little, white pants. It's just so illogical, you know, about being a Smurf. You know, what's the point of living... if you don't have a dick?”

HEATHERS – Kurt's Dad: "My son's a homosexual, and I love him. I love my dead gay son.”

I’m thinking of writing a screenplay that I hope would ultimately be inducted into the exclusive cult classic club. I've not yet conceptualized the direction that I’d like to go with this creative endeavor, but I think I’m on the right track since I’m interested in starting an actual cult. It shall be super cool. And exclusive. If you’re interested in joining my exclusive social club of lost souls, please contact my assistant Voldar at Voldar@Jax’

For more info on Jax’s Super Cool Exclusive Cult, please visit:

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