December 20th, 2009
I went to my local laundromat the other day to drop my things off for someone else to deal with the chore. Although I question if they use soap, I’m a big fan of their magnificent folding capabilities. On a shelf by the industrial dryers, randomly sat the M and N volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica. This was a shame because I was really in the mood for “L”. You know when you just have that restless desire to know masses of information on Latvia, the Baltic region in Northern Europe with a parliamentary republic?
Growing up, my brother and I had access to some sacred Encyclopedias that stood stoically by the Beta max in our basement. My father was a contestant on the original “Jeopardy” game show in the late 60’s that was hosted by Art Fleming. He came in second. Consolation prize: A volume of Encyclopedias. It seems so primitive now that we can just go to Wikipedia for all our needs. Clearly there can be nothing more accurate than a free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
The truth is..I miss Jeeves of Ask Jeeves fame. There was something about submitting any type of inquiry to this Mr. Belvedere-esque high caliber Brit that just..I don’t know..made me feel safe. I just craved for the opportunity to nuzzle in his animated rotund male cleavage.
I think it would be beneficial for me to always have a Jeeves within 10 feet of me so I can have my questions answered at any time. On the spot. It almost has a sitcom ring to it. It shall be called “Jax and Jeeves”…no network will pick it up because test audiences didn’t gravitate towards a human blond frolicking around town with a portly animated Englishman in a tuxedo. Either way, I will share with you some of the footage that you’ll never see on Hulu.
CLIPS FROM “JAX and JEEVES”
Jax - Have you ever seen a ferret with lip liner?
Jeeves – Just once. I was working for Margaret Thatcher in the early 80’s and Ronald Reagan UPS’d her a lip lined ferret as a thank you for assisting with ending the Cold War. Rugby?
Jax - Why does every corporate office only have the one notch below mediocre Green Mountain Coffee?
Jeeves –They’re just saving money for high level executives’ exorbitant bonuses. Powdered Wig?
Jax - What do you think about me creating a line of baby doo rags?
Jeeves – I think that would be quite profitable as we’re starting to see more baby gangs. Monty Python?
Jax – Am I Brazilian?
Jeeves: Half. Only from the waste down. Scone?