Day 231 - DILF. The New MILF

March 27th, 2010

Saturdays in Brooklyn appear to be the day when daddies take over and the streets are filled with fathers being paternal-rrific with their offspring while mom takes a “me day.” I’m sitting in my office (which just coincidentally seems to be the same locale where I can buy overpriced coffee) and see some dad/kid interactions. And analyzing.

Dad 1 – Gave in to his 3ish year old daughter who was performing a topnotch Oscar worthy temper tantrum in order to receive a Danish. Cheese filled. Dad gave in and I assume mom would not have because New York moms know that if you want your kids to get into good schools…they can’t be fat. Ew.

Dad 2 - Pushing newborn in the Lexus of strollers, the Bugaboo. This “celebrity” stroller makes babies in lesser than strollers feel bad about themselves. The newborn opened his eyes for 10 seconds and looked at me. Condescendingly. His expression and demeanor told me that he was thinking, “I have more in my savings than you. And I’ve been alive for 27 days.”

Dad 3 – White father. Asian baby. Goodwill Ambassador ? Or hot Japanese wife?

Here’s the thing. Guys with babies are hot. Bonus if the dad is a firefighter, chef, stunt double, furniture maker or Jesus like.

It should come to no surprise that these dads have acquired the name D.I.L.F. (Dads I Like to...”fiddle with.”)

Here's a remarkably ineffective sample sentence from my favorite unreliable source, Urban Dictionary. “I'm 47 and I was told by one on my sons 20 something friends (female) that I was a DILF. Kewl for me eh?”

- Ok, if you admit that you’re a DILF…you are not a DILF.
- If you’re 47 and write “ kewl”…you could be a pedophile who lures underage children on MySpace with your pathetic slang.
- If you say “eh”..you’re Canadian. Or even worse…French Canadian

Married women who have procreated, WARNING: DILF hunters are living amongst you. Your baby has become the "in" accessory that is becoming more appealing than your husband's nice ass, unavailability and big…paycheck . Disclaimer. I look but don’t touch because I’m in the process of karma cleansing and don’t wish to expand my list of past actions that lacked morality and ethics. Even if they were fun.

That’s just the kind of girl I am.