Day 221 - TV. Gone Bad

March 17th, 2010

Dear LOST creators, writers and actors,

It’s like you just stopped trying. Your once groundbreaking series is wrapping up like a poor man’s Indiana Jones. J.J. Abrams had such a brilliant premise and story arc – and is losing it as we head toward the finale. Abrams, you’re disappointing me. Hard.

Season one was, without a doubt, one of the most illustriously gripping and unique pieces of television that I’ve ever seen. And now you’re serving me inconsistent haste, soap opera acting and (the bad kind of) laughable new story lines? My favorite show has now succumbed to the Seinfeld syndrome where our beloved friends got a Good Samaritan violation. Not wise to end an iconic show with viewers experiencing their once beloved leads as reprehensible dicks.

3 of my favorite shows have not yet decided to wrap up and I beg them to stay strong. In an effort to prevent the impending crash and burn of good TV, I gently throw out some suggestions that series should consider not going in when ending their run.


1) "True Blood"

IMDB Plot Summary:

The series follows Sookie Stackhouse, a barmaid living in Louisiana who can read people's minds, and how her life is turned upside down when the Vampire Bill, walks into her place of employment two years after vampires 'came out of the coffin' on national television.

Jax’s Advice on What Shouldn’t Happen:

Sookie and crew all relocate to an Olive Garden in Duluth, Minnesota. All sex appeal and vampire shenanigans dissipate in the frigid temperatures and mediocre chain restaurant. They all begin to adhere to the Olive Garden slogan, “When you're here, you're family.” They take it literally and start developing tight familial bonds and the biggest conflict is deciding which cruise line to go on for Christmas vacation. They go with the Carnival line because of the midnight buffet on the lido deck. There’s and endless shrimp bowl.

2) "Curb Your Enthusiasm"

IMDB Plot Summary:

He's got it all: a loving wife, good friends, a successful career, a great home..what could possibly go wrong for Larry David? Seinfeld co-creator Larry David stars as himself in this hilarious, off-kilter comedy series that presents an unflinching, self-depreciating depiction of his life.

Jax’s Advice on What Shouldn’t Happen:

Larry David becomes a paralyzed mute. With a heart of gold.

3) "The Office"

IMDB Plot Summary:

A remake of the hit 2001 BBC TV series The Office (2001), this is a mockumentary that documents the exploits of a paper supply company in Scranton, Pennsylvania. Made up of head chief Michael Scott, a harmlessly deluded and ignorantly insensitive boss who cares about the welfare of his employees while trying to put his own spin on company policy. With an office including the likes of various peers who have their own hangups, The Office (2005) takes a look at the lives of its co-workers: bored but talented salesman Jim, his mildly sociopathic, butt kissing enemy Dwight, mildly righteous receptionist Pam, and indifferent temp Ryan.

Jax’s Advice on What Shouldn’t Happen:

Dwight and Jim come to terms that their ongoing feud has been driven by sexual tension. Heartbroken Pam takes their baby and starts a promising cult at a Supercuts outside of Scranton called Branch Davidians 2.

Dwight and Jim are married in a touching (but not over the top ceremony) in the office's conference room. Ryan has become an ordained minister and performs the ceremony.

Michael finds a new career at street fairs. As a talking mime.