March 12th, 2010
Last night I was out with my friends and we noticed what appeared to be a bear paw imprinted on a bar napkin. It was such an eerily exact replica that we naturally were lead to believe that we were receiving a message from Bear Jesus. We made up a song about our new divine carnivore that we sang with commitment, a catchy tempo and jazz hands.
Aren’t we all a little bit like Bear Jesus?
I assume many people haven’t been graced by a symbol that suggests that Bear Jesus is with us. At all times. Yet there have been many notable accounts of people discovering the image of Christ the savior(not my savior per se..but the shit to many) in the most unforeseen locales:
Here is where JC (or possibly Ron Jeremy) has presented himself:
• An iron
• A Cheeto
• A Sonogram
• A dental X-ray
• A fish stick
• A bruise
• A Kit Kat
• Cheese manicotti
I’ve talked to Jesus’ handlers and these special appearances have really been good for PR. In fact, so much so, that J of Naz’s publicist has scheduled some special divine appearances in 2010:
• A bikini wax
• A fat person’s sweatband
• My blog
• An angry teenager’s acne
• On my line of baby doo rags. For babies. In baby gangs
• A W-2 form
• A craft services cart
• Tofurkey
• A periodic table. Near boron
• A bingo card from an old age home
• Al Roker’s gastric bypass surgery scar
• A parallelogram from a 9th grade geometry class
• Lionel Richie’s gheri curl
• A drunk frat boy’s vomit
• On Oprah. Although hard to see as she and Jesus are interchangeable.
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