Saturday, March 13, 2010

Day 217 - Chuck Norris-exual

March 13th, 2010

My friend admitted to me earlier today that she is polysexual, a person who is attracted to more than one sex or gender but does not wish to identify as bisexual because it implies that there are only two binary genders or sexes. Important note readers: This should not be confused with pansexuality which refers to being attracted to people regardless of their biological sex and gender identity.

There are so many sexualities to choose from these days that claiming to be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual seems to be the Gary Busey to the Nick Nolte of sexual preferences. It’s like claiming to like the Grateful Dead but only know the song “Truckin’.”

I’m starting to question if my being a run-of-the-mill straight woman is not the norm in these days of testing boundaries. I do feel that sexuality and creativity come from the same source and I recognized that sexual exploration is prevalent (with little to no judgment) in authentic creative circles. In all circles. And isosceles triangles.

Perhaps in the spirit of sexual heightening that could enhance our artistry and life experiences, we should experiment with some preferences of sexualities that are very common. But seldom discussed.

• W-2exual – We desire our accountant. Side note, only the ones who finagle good tax returns.

• Yanniexual – We are most attracted to this pianist, keyboardist and composer. If Yanni were to shave his moustache, our attraction immediately dissipates and we become Tom Selleckexual.

• Galactic Confederacy-exual - We succumb to the sexual prowess of scientologists.

• Water coolerexual - We are only able to fornicate by, near or in a water cooler.

• Jermaine Jacksonexual – We think of making the sweet love to Jermaine Jackson. Naturally we would be transported to new heights of pleasure.

• Ransom notes-exual – We really test our boundaries with this one. While doing it, we would have the capacity to cut out letters from magazines and assemble a ransom note.

• Chuck Norris-exual. Self explanatory. This can get intense. And bad ass.

• The hills are alive-exual – We are only able to reach our pique of desire while the “Sound of Music” soundtrack is playing.

• 3-5 business days-exual – We prefer to have the sex while waiting for a UPS package.

• Dick Cheney shooting his friend while hunting –exual – We are attracted to people in power who make mind boggling mistakes. With no repercussions.

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