February 13th, 2010
The 2010 Winter Olympics, officially the XXI Olympic Winter Games or the 21st Winter Olympics, had its opening ceremony last night in Vancouver. You know who didn’t watch it? This one. No interest. Felt nothing. Feelings of nothingness. I find that this so called international spectacular is only Must See TV when there are boycotts, performing enhancing drugs, bribery of officials and terrorism.
I’ve also grown too keenly aware of the reality that I'm too old to train for any summer or winter Olympic event.
Perhaps I’m just bored with the current sports that young adults lose their childhoods training for. Below are some events in Olympic history that could persuade me to catch a case of the Olympic fever if they were reinstated:
- Live Pigeon Shooting
- Pistol Dueling
- Motor Boating
- Running Deer Single Shot
They got rid of these sports but kept ping pong, speed walking and synchronized swimming?
Since I do possess the gift of seeing situational silver linings, I can’t dismiss that not having a gold medal (silver medal or that embarrassing bronze medal) to take home does offer us medal-less commoners some advantages.
1)Our life’s purpose wouldn’t have piqued as a teen or young adult. Sure we’d have our fifteen minutes of fame and a Taco Bell endorsement, but the rest of life’s journey would ultimately take us down the dismal road that leads to a reality show consisting of has-been celebrities. If we’re lucky.
2)We’ll never have to train with Romanian gymnastics coach, Bella Károlyi, who would verbally and psychologically abuse us during workouts. We’re sensitive. We don’t need his constant critical remarks about our weight that would undoubtedly lead us to eating disorders. Plus, I like having boobs.
3)Let’s assume that we would display our gold metal on the mantle. Now we have more room. For the urn. Of Grandpa. Who happened to be a gold medalist live pigeon shooting. Grandpa was awesome.