February 3rd, 2010
I asked my men readers the following: How does a woman's PMS affect YOUR life?
- Zachary B Atkinson - I don't know what you are talking about. What is this mythical thing?
- Edward A. Sotelo - It's why I'm single.
- Neil Arthur James – Gross (FYI, Neil’s gay so anything period related gives him the
- Michael Weithorn - When I was married, and had an adolescent daughter, my biggest fear
was that there might be a perfect storm of them being hungry and PMS-ing at exactly the same time, and they would team up and kill me.
I can sympathize with the plight of what a man must endure the week before there is blood flowing from the uterus of a special lady in his life. This why I am offering you:
Jax’s Safety Guide for Men to Protect Themselves from Women with PMS
Though women with premenstrual syndrome can strike in an instant, there are precautions and preventative measures that men can take to increase the chances of surviving the catastrophic effect of a woman’s PMS. Do not attempt rationality as that will only increase the severity of crying spells, irritability and mood swings. Otherwise known as High Terror Alert.
Have a pre-determined plan should a PMS warning be issued. Going to a basement or an interior first-floor room of a sturdy building greatly increases chances of survival. In PMS-prone areas, many buildings have storm cellars on the property. These underground refuges have saved thousands of men from anger, danger and a woman’s exponentially increased appetite. She will eat you. Then some dark chocolate.
Some countries have premenstrual syndrome agencies that forecasts breast tenderness, acne flare-ups and weight gain from fluid retention that coincide with PMS attacks. My blog provides an alarm when a severe PMS advisory is issued. Unless the woman is far away and highly visible, I advise men to find a sturdy shelter. Wear a helmet. If no appropriate shelter is nearby, getting low in a ditch is the next best option. Highway overpasses are one of the worst places to take shelter, as the woman will be reminded that you don’t take her on enough vacations.
The aftermath of premenstrual syndrome can be devastating, but knowing what to do after a PMS strikes will make the recovery effort easier, quicker and safer.
• The woman undoubtedly threw some dishes. Stay away from harmful debris
• Remain calm, especially around children.
• Check on the elderly and your pets.
• Take pictures of your damaged property should the episode lead to a demise of your marriage and divorce court.
Your life will seemingly return to normal for the next 3 weeks. Just remember: As a woman ages, PMS will disappear and be replaced by the magic of menopause, natures way of saying, “You should have had a baby sooner.”