Day 181 - Kick Ass, Bad Ass and Have a Nice Ass

February 5th, 2010

So I’ve developed this special relationship with Urban Dictionary. There’s a new fad where you can type in your name and get a definition that can shift any emotions of low self worth.

Urban Dick’s definition of Jacqueline:

“The hottest girl you'll ever meet. She has the most amazing eyes, amazing boobs and an amazing ass. She’s the best person you'll ever hookup with and I mean BOTH meanings! She can seem shy at first but once you get to know her she’s the bomb. Jacqueline is also a party girl. She’s very picky so if you get the chance to do anything with her then you better cause she’s one in a million.”

Sample sentence 1 - Oh my God! She's so hot she must be a Jacqueline.

Sample sentence 2 - You hooked up with Jacqueline? You’re the luckiest person alive!

So yeah, this makes me feel pretty kick ass, bad ass and like I have a nice ass.

Since I was already time wasting on Urban Dictionary, I decided to look up the word “doppelganger" since it is “Doppelganger Week” on Facebook. We were instructed to change our profile pictures to someone famous that we’ve been told we resemble.

Below are three definitions of doppelganger from my favorite website with no credibility:

1) Someone that looks the exact same as another person.

2) An orgy held at a Doppler radar station.

3) When two penises are placed into the same condom used to have intercourse with a woman.

Assuming that Facebook was working with definition # 1, I thought about some people that I've been told that I look like. There are 2 very distinct categories: One makes my self esteem plummet into a dark negative spiral while the other is a catalyst for feeling pretty fantabulous.

Make Jax feel bad and tell her that she resembles Kristin Johnson, Janice from the Muppets and someone Tiger Woods would have an affair with.

Make Jax feel good(even if you’re stretching the truth) and tell her that you can’t believe her uncanny resemblance to Ursula Andress, a young Candice Bergen, Kim Cattrall, Laura San Giacomo and Jax's mom.

My observation is that Facebook users have posted pics in the more favorable arena despite any inkling of inaccuracy.

Oh Doppelganger Week...you're adorable. Thank you for giving us the gift of a few days to believe that we're more famous, interesting and beautiful than we actually are. Doppelganger, your doppelganger would be Awesome.