November 30th, 2009
Yesterday I was walking with my mom on the divinely sunny beach of Sullivan's Island. This is a private residential community located just north of Charleston, South Carolina. At low tide, the beach is wide and the sand is soft. It would seem like the perfect opportunity to discuss feminine products. We did not. Today I’m back in New York where the weather is Satan. On a bad day. I will not let the gray, cold and damp dampen my spirits. These are the days where we have to force ourselves from under the cocoon of our down comforter and be creative as to how to manufacture our own sunshine. Using a Bunsen burner, a straw and piece of felt, I conducted a very unscientific study to discover what can effectively shift our mood on days like this. Below are 10 proven ways to keep spirits in line when the weather is being a dick.
1) Spray on an entire bottle of Patchouli and then go to a Young Republican's meeting. Remove all processed food and offer them green tea.
2) Tell the Verizon people that you want to replace your "Friends and Family Plan" to the "Mild Acquaintances and Nemesis Plan".
3 )Listen to the song "Birthday Sex" with your grandparents. Tell them its about the 1917 Russian Revolution that lead to civil war and the creation of a communist government.
4) Give someone a pot brownie who doesn’t know it’s been "tainted" with herb. Wait 10-15 minutes. Then, just watch them.
5) Repeat to yourself 10 times: "It is a good thing that I was not a young adult in the early 80’s because I’m pretty certain that I would have feathered hair and a major coke addiction." This one might just apply to me.
6) Sculpt Lionel Ritchie’s head. The gheri curl is challenging..but if you dream it..you can do it.
7) Use crime scene tape as a jump rope
8) JCrew is carrying onesies for adults. Go try one on.
9) Make an oil painting(on canvas) of a bird flying into Fabio’s face on a roller coaster
10) This last suggestion is guaranteed to lift your spirits on an inclement day. Do something really intimate...that involves strength, endurance, shared sensory experiences and interdependence. Like doubles figure skating