Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Day 109 - Obesity Rate: Fan of Thanksgiving

November 25th, 2009

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I feel obliged to explore this secular holiday that encourages us to give thanks for the harvest and express gratitude while we gather and devour an excess amount of food with friends and family. Very pertinent reasons to take pause. Yet the first thing that came to my mind was the predicament people with less than five fingers on one hand face when drawing a turkey. Sad.

In order to run with the Thanksgiving concept, I feel it is appropriate to bring back Johnson and Phillips. I introduced them to you in “Day 16 - Bacon Fetish”, you grew to love them in“Day 43 - Take a Load Off Annie” and you felt a combination of complicated emotions for these guys by" Day 63 - You Hate Me. You Really Really Hate Me" and you considered making a baby with them in "Day 93 – 1993". As a reminder, they are reoccurring fictionalized (but real in my heart) ahead of their time marketing executives with a mutual interest in each other’s wives and unsubtle sexual innuendo for each other. Let’s just assume that the conceptualization of Thanksgiving took place in your typical 17 Century boardroom in Plymouth, Massachusetts.

JOHNSON: Phillips, first let me say that you look dashing in you pantaloons.(Long sigh oozing with sexual tension.) OK. Let's get to work! I want to create an iconic holiday that is generally referred to as.."This is so Solid""Another Reason for Americans to Overeat""Thanksgiving". Yes, Thanksgiving!

PHILLIPS:I love it you stocking wearing genius! The Pilgrims of Plymouth Colony and the Wampanoags Indians can celebrate their peaceful co-existence and the harvest after a brutal winter.

JOHNSON: Just like the harvest that I planted in your wife last night Phillips!

PHILLIPS: Exactly! Venison and wild fowl will be eaten on this special day. Then..centuries throw things off for no apparent reason.... Americans will indulge in pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce.

JOHNSON: Half assing tradition! Brilliant.

PHILLIPS: For some exotic flair, let's throw in a Patuxet Native American named Squanto. He resides with the Wampanoag tribe, teaches the Pilgrims how to catch eel and grow corn and serves as an interpreter.

JOHNSON: Yes! The European settlers will return the favor by introducing the indigenous people to influenza, bubonic plague and smallpox infested blankets!

PHILLIPS: Superb. Simply magnificent. Hold me Johnson. Just hold me.

JOHNSON: Come here you colonial slice of heaven. I want to explore your Plymouth Rock.

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