Day 108 - Dear Diary

November 24th, 2009

I was rereading some old journal entries and letters I’ve written and received. It really exemplifies that just putting your hopes, dreams and seemingly random thoughts into writing doesn’t get lost in the universe. Many of these passages were written around the time I was training for the San Diego Marathon in 2005. A lot of metaphors during this time. Most of the below was written before I was a “committed” to blogging and really explored my work making the connection between humor and health. I needed to reread this for myself today. I hope you enjoy.

MAY 2, 2004
I find it so valuable to surround myself with people who are simply trying to better themselves. It’s a beautiful thing. Of course, facing your fears is a personal journey and it is best to approach it in the way that feels right for you. Personally, I feel that people who feel things deeply often possess a heightened emotional intelligence that mainstream society fails to recognize. I also feel that’s a big reason certain people have addictions…not knowing how to deal with that “feeling”.

MAY 6, 2004
Dream job...it's funny...I've been thinking about that recently.This journal writing and my freelance magazine work is my constant. As much as I connect with and enjoy this "introspective" and "open minded" side of myself...it can be so heavy as a “full time endeavor”…I have to keep myself in check…do light things too. I really believe in the medicinal effect of humor. I wonder if there is a way to combine these 2 passions. I've been thinking of a concept..."Spiritual Comedy". I think if I can expand on these two strengths that have been continually pivotal in my life on so many levels.......I would really have something unique and honest to share with the world...through writing perhaps. In the meantime, I will continue to take it day by day.

MARCH 11, 2005
I need to take bigger creative risks. It motivates me to plug away with creative endeavors. I was born with a right brain..it’s just tough to be in this city where one’s success is measured by corporate success.…pursuing the arts certainly can be lonely.How great it would be to be measured by being present, self aware with the courage to follow your heart. My goal is to stay on this path and keep myself surrounded by those that live with the same philosophy.

MARCH 12, 2005
My marathon training is paying off.I just ran from 13th to 143rd….and back. Not sure if there is clear segue here..but I like this quote:

I can't give you a sure-fire formula for success, but I can give you a formula for failure: try to please everybody all the time.
-Herbert Bayard Swope

JUNE 7,2005
I ran 26.2 miles in the San Diego Rock n’ Roll Marathon! I did it through Team in Training and raised several thousand dollars for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. What an experience…don’t know where to start. I think it’s best to just recall the moments that stood out the most. The night before at the pasta party, I was really reminded and touched by the fact that amazing people directly affected with Leukemia and Lymphoma were there. 3300 Team in Training participants raised 12.5 million dollars! There were so many visuals that stand out while running. One of the most pivotal moments was when I was rounding a corner at mile 11. There was a very simply dressed man(around 60) that was holding a no frills poster that said “I’m a Leukemia survivor…thank you.” He had such an expression of sincerity. I got a little choked up. Also, seeing my family at mile 131/2 was another peak. That support gave me such a lift and inspired an interesting metaphor…I am capable on my own…but better with people (especially the support of loved ones.) When I ran passed my brother I told him, "There is so much cowbell.”

JUNE13th 2006
This was a letter from an ex-boyfriend.

“You certainly are a fighter. One of your many amazing qualities. You are definitely on the right track. You light up whenever you talk about your classes. I deal with vulnerability too, as i prefer to have my shit together than to admit that I may need assistance. I'm working on it. We're working it. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna do great. I admire your drive. One day we'll both look back and laugh. At the poor people.”

January 13th 2007
Here is a letter that I wrote to a very special photography teacher that I had for a workshop in 2001 in Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Hey Ms. Wendy!

I was doing a “big clean” over the weekend and found my Santa Fe folder with your email. I have to tell ya woman… you made such a significant impact in my life and think about that experience in “Beginner’s Photography” quite a bit. In fact, I have made some career choices that have inspired me to draw from what I learned from you. As you might recall, I have been involved with sketch comedy and improv comedy for about 10 years here in New York City. During most of that time I had "real" jobs to supplement myself so I could do these creative endeavors. I had a wake up call(that sounds so gentle because it felt more like a rude awakening that I need to truly declare myself an artist and pursue it full time.)

I have continued to perform professionally but what I am so excited to share with you is that I’ve been teaching comedy improv and have discovered that I actually have a gift for this and get a joy from the experience that is totally separate from performing. I started off just renting theater space in Manhattan and teaching beginner’s classes. Most of my students were in the corporate world (not starving artists) and what I realized was substantial. I had the opportunity to help people tap back into their creativity. The results were phenomenal.They looked brighter..their physicality changed..their spirit shined(very similar to your students as well.) I really saw how the art and rules of comedy improv(or all art) is basically a spiritual tool that can truly help people see their potential. I started marketing my workshops to places that “promote” the idea of wellness and the response has been great. I have done workshops at The New Age Health Spa and The Deepak Chopra Center. Next month, I am going to a fancy destination spa called Cal-A-Vie in San Diego(and bringing mom for her 60th birthday!) I also started marketing my services to the corporate world as these people need to lighten up. I'm focusing on where I want to go.

I’ve really enjoyed working for myself and have basically begun a small business that I truly believe in. I’m taking a big risk..but I know this is my “purpose” and don’t have another choice. Thank you for the inspiration.

-Jacqueline

I think it's appropriate to end this entry with the following:

Be careful what you think,
What you think leads to your words,
Your words lead to your action,
Your action leads to your habits,
Your habits lead to your destiny
-Author unknown