November 9th, 2009
Today is day 93 of my 365 day blog entry challenge. This number contains a hint of significance to me because I graduated high school in 1993. I attended Grimsley High ( you might recognized us as being ranked the 84th best public high school in the nation by Newsweek in 2008. ) It was at GHS that I learned how to put a condom on a banana in 9th grade health class. That’s right readers, #84 in the country! The school had quite a diverse population with an enrollment of around 1,600 students and a deep-rooted commitment to wanting to beat our rival, Page High School, in football. Generally, we lost. I blame it on our mascot, the Whirlie. Let’s face it, tornado-like symbols don’t really inspire excellence on the field. Yet Grimsley often kicked ass in the blood drives. So Page, you had football..but we beat you in blood.
it seems as if every year has a paella of significant events. Within a twelve month time frame, something interesting seems likely to occur. If not, rest assured that our givers of news will eagerly spice up some bland ”news” topic. What if we were given some type of teaser that would give us an idea of what to expect the following year?I was feeling nostalgic for the year 1993 and went deep inside my brain and imagined the pre-production for 1993 that took place in 1992.
In order to run with this concept, I needed to bring back Johnson and Phillips. I introduced them to you in “Day 16 - Bacon Fetish”, you grew to love them in“Day 43 - Take a Load Off Annie” and you felt a combination of complicated emotions for these guys by" Day 63 - You Hate Me. You Really Really Hate Me". As a reminder, they are reoccurring fictionalized (but real in my heart) ahead of their time marketing executives with a mutual interest in each other’s wives and unsubtle sexual innuendo for each other. Let’s just assume that the conceptualization of the events for the year 1993 took place in a Manhattan boardroom on December 31st, 1992. Out the window, there is a good view of the ball about to drop, joyously cold crowds and “Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve”.
Johnson: Phillips, I see big things for 1993! We’ll start off strong with the inauguration of our 42nd president of the united States, William Jefferson Clinton.
Phillips: Love it. Let’s throw in some scandal by showing a lot of pictures of Al and Tipper Gore French kissing.
Johnson: Excellent angle Phillips. Perhaps in a sequel we’ll add something I like to do with your wife. Think cigar related improper relations with an intern. But not yet. Too soon.
Phillips: We speak the same language my friend, my love. Let’s take a religious sect in Waco, Texas that will be lead by a man named David Koresh who believes himself to be its final prophet.
Johnson: Brilliant! He looks like Jesus so nothing bad can happen! Also, we should kill River Phoenix so his brother Joaquin can have a promising career.
Phillips: Yes. Joaquin. Love him. Nothing intense about that guy at all. Also, just for shits and giggles let’s throw in a 13-year-old Los Angeles boy that will accuse the King of Pop of fondling him.
Johnson: Damn you’re good Phillips. I want to fondle every hair on your back right now. But back to work!
Phillips: During 1993, you and I can unsuccessfully suppress our homoerotic tendencies by drinking an excess of a new alternative beer called Zima. It is sure to represent all that is straight and cool!
Johnson: Indeed. People will love this Zima as much as I love your wife’s pot roast and curling up with you when we took that well needed and deserved business trip to that cabin in Vermont. Now kiss me you fool...because 3-2-1...HAPPY NEW YEAR! Cigar?