Day 105 - Megaduck

November 21st, 2009

I was informed that Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants and cavorts with an unmarried female duck.

Here were some of your feelings about the TMZ worthy breaking story.

His career over there is Finnish.
-David Forman Katz

I'm outraged. When I was in Finland, Donald did a great job in many peoples pants... he should have left his bill... that's right.. he was that good.
-Ken Miller

That is the same reason I am not allowed out of my apartment.
-Adam Holtz

He has no sex organs but real ducks wear no pants and do have sex organs and they are not banned. this is hypocrisy and discrimination. If Finland wants to avoid a class action suit all ducks will have to be depicted with pants
-Michael Codispoti

My friend Bjorn Joœrgöüsseēn is serving 5-7 in a Finnish prison for distributing duck porn out of his Citroën.
-Jon Reitzes

Well rest assured heated readers..this Duck ban is urban legend much to the relief of the Disney monopoly, other aquatic birds species in the family Anatidae and Donald’s parents, Quackmore and Orthensia McDuck.

Along with bans of notable movies, books and marriages, I feel obliged to mention a few more:

-US boycott of the 80s Olympic games

-People banning Star Jones

-Wikipedia bans Scientology From editing

-Republicans blacklisting the Dixie Chicks

-US bans Cuban cigars

-Pamela Anderson bans KFC chicken

-Hip hop bans Cristal champagne

-Jacqueline Kabat banned from South Carolina. Kind of.

My comedy group, Rash Behaviour, was invited to perform at the Charleston, S.C. Piccolo Spoleto Arts Festival in 2003. However, when a gay actor in the group performed an openly gay character(a vampire named Fagula) in front of 3,000 people, an audience member threatened to sue the festival, the festival demanded that my group apologize and a lawyer for the city of Charleston was called in. Knowing that our actions would determine how future performers were treated in Charleston, my group decided to stand up for ourselves, for the arts and for freedom of speech. New York filmmaker Eric Trenkamp caught the events on film and won an honorable mention in the New York Independent Film Festival for his documentary, "Confederate Behaviour".

So along with a lot of traffic violations in my teens, this was my other run in with the law. There was some irony revolving around the one naysayer which conjures up the phrase “doth protest too much”.

The irate crazy eyed gentleman looked like he would be cast as a mountain man in the remake of "Deliverance".Oh yeah, he was wearing a Megadeth T-shirt. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the artistry around thrash metal, but I did internally note that this is the group with the debut album entitled "Killing Is My Business... and Business Is Good!"

I do feel that I possess a bit of intuition(for better or for worse) and my sense was he was a more redneck version of the homophobic father(brilliantly played by Chris Cooper) in "American Beauty" who ultimately reveals his own militant repressed homosexual tendencies. Perhaps my comedy group just triggered our protester's fear of himself. Amongst the chaos, could we have done our job to perfection because we put art out there that inspired someone to feel something? It wasn't what we intended and it wasn't what he expected. But it was real.

So Donald, I salute you for quacking through life and Nordic countries trouserless. Besides, at the end of the day, if any animated character should be banned..I vote for Smurfette. Let's s punt her out of the Smurf Village for being a whore.
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