Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Day 46 - Conscience Be Gone

September, 23rd, 2009

Taylor Swift should be thanking Kanye West. Hardcore. Don’t get me wrong. I know that KW is the exaggeration of self righteousness and lives in a giant statue of himself in the land of delusions of grandeur. But from a PR standpoint, his VMA opera moment(me me me me me I I I I I) introduced the innocent young country pop star to many who were unfamiliar to the Swift that is Taylor. The newest fans are now personally invested in her career and post interruption emotional state. “I just feel her pain. Taylor has been like a daughter to me.” Heartwarming stuff.

But as far as Kanye’s own future..I just want to simplify his episode and sum it up as a bad bad …baaaaad idea.

YET, it did inspire me to create a syllabus for a day that I would like to dedicate to BAD DECISION MAKING.

Jax’s agenda for her a day of self sabotage:

• Hold auditions for an all lesbian production of “12 Angry Men”
• Go to dinner at the Olive Garden and yell over and over, “ It really does feel like the old country!”
• Plan to kill someone and journal about it
• Throw a party where all invitees must bring a copy of their W-2’s
• Go to a red state and find a locale where middle aged white women congregate. I will calmly(yet firmly) announce, “You know, I don’t really care for Oprah.” Then run away. Fast
• Get married and withhold sex from my husband
• Get a lot of cats
• Call everyone I know at work and ask, “Working hard or hardly working?” Giggle. Hang up
• Perform a comedy set in Dutch
• Wear an adult onesie
• If taunted, tell said taunter "Bring it" or “Your Mama “
• Take my older brother’s camera. Get defensive when he asks if I used it. When the pictures get developed there is a fuzzy close-up of my face which I took of myself. Oops. I already did that in 1983. Check.
• Follow Madonna’s lead and acquire a British accent for no apparent reason
• Get a tattoo on my forehead that says “I’m with stupid. That’s right you.”
• Tell someone, “I’m sure your baby will ‘grow into’ her looks. Well, let’s hope so.” Then laugh.
• Go to the airport and ride on the luggage carousel
• Sit in on an AA meeting and say to the group, “Come on..part of you must miss when alcohol mixes with lack of reason and accountability? Seriously. Right?”
• Get trapped in a well. For publicity
• Take a post-Renaissance sculpting class and sculpt a bust of Lionel Ritchie‘s head
• Put a photo of a child as my profile picture on Facebook. But not of my niece, nephew or friend’s kids. I’ll just Google Image search “Kid” and post the first picture that comes up
• Go to a concert where the lead singer yells, Are you ready to rock?!” I reply, “No. No I am not.”

Eventually I would complete my day of no conscience. After the disorder, shear madness and shits & giggles, I would gently ask to have my moral goodness returned.

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