September 21st, 2009
I’d like to organize an annual outdoor festival in Amphitheaters around the country. It shall be called Deludapalooza. Attendants will consist of disillusioned people who have, over time, stayed committed to believing all that is untrue. This will include:
• Insecure girls at spring break who think that drunk frat boys are after ‘their personality”
• Whoever labeled David Caruso a sex symbol
• Tom cruise and his galactic confederacy
• “Straight” musical theater majors
• Hecklers who think they have a comic gift
• David Hasselhoff fans
• Judgmental vegetarians
• Thin people who think they’re too fat and fat people who think they’re too thin
• Mall speed walkers who think we don’t make fun of them
• Air travelers who don’t expect delays
• My friend who claims that her boyfriend is a horseback rider. He works at Medieval Times.
• People who
-care about Jon & Kate.
-think they’re carrying a tune in karaoke.
-read the New York Post. It’s like the Onion without the credibility and humor.
-say they love sushi but only order California rolls.
-think there aren’t germs in the bowl of peanuts on the bar
-assume Facebook is here to stay.
-don’t believe that a muffin is just mediocre cake.
Of course I won’t be able to attended Deludapalooza because it coincides with my “People Who Think that Preparing for Retirement is overrated” meeting.