Monday, September 7, 2009

Day 30 - Extra Cuspy Please

September 7th, 2009

L& L’s wedding last night. Liane looked stunning, Larry has like mad dancin’ skillz , the “crew” was reunited & the Rabbi tested some one-liners that are sure to kill at a Jewey Grossinger's-like Catskills resort.

I was standing at the bar talking to the “Is it really that big of a deal that he’s just out of college hottie” British cousin..then I’m approached by Pam and Dan. They’re the next to be married couple. I love them because they have a palpable love AND and are polar opposites. She’s endearingly yenta-licious and he’s an artist. He’s the Yin to her Yang , the Bert to her Ernie, the black Michael Jackson to her white Michael Jackson. They just work and it’s inspiring to watch. The only thing that confuses me is that they refer to each other as Monkey. The fact that I most likely will not get invited to the wedding is where this gets fun. It is questionable if I’ll get to watch the official union “live” in a few months because I am..wait for it..wait for it..A CUSP.

Now I’m OK with this and truly not surprised. I get how these things work. In fact, I offered to “out” myself to take some pressure off of them. No offense taken. Seriously.

I own my cuspness.

The formal definition is “A transitional point and time.” I am rather cuspy as I am frequently in some form of transition in time and strive to be a transitional-esque comedian who aims to coalesce the points with the funny.

So Monkeys, I’m cool with what could go down. Easy breezy…much like a Sunday morning.

However, I would like to throw out another option that you might find surprisingly appealing. Have a wedding and ONLY invite THE CUSPS

Everyone wins

I’ll be super content because cuspers aren’t expected to be there early for pictures and never deal with playing psychotherapist during the almost newlywed's pre-wedding jitters . We’re totally happy appreciating an open bar and swimming in the endless sea of pigs in the blankets. You won’t be offended(or notice) when I leave for an hour to hit the Lebedevitch Bar Mitzvah party in the other reception hall. I’ll return once I grow winded from Macarena-ing with the hired dancers and the dirty uncle becomes inappropriate.

On your end, old deep-rooted family issues won’t get triggered because well, you haven’t invited your relatives because they didn’t make the cusp list. You get to avoid the awkward “What unwanted details could they reveal about me” information that will undoubtedly be exposed during the best man/maid of honor speeches. Hey, I’ll give the speech. “Pam, remember when we got the seared tuna salads at Houston’s in the winter of 2006. That was awesome.” Plain and simple. No sucker punches and tears.

I really sense that the Cusp Only trend can change the wedding industry as we know it. Monkeys, you can be pioneers of what is certain to be the new hot wedding fad. When I’m on the subway and see a passenger reading the latest copy of the magazine, “Cusp Enthusiast”…I’ll think of my Monks and give them the ultimate Jax compliment: An internal high five.

Viva La Cusp!

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