January 18th, 2010
Last night I went to my friend’s apartment to mindlessly watch the 67th Annual Golden Globe Awards. I wore my Dolce & Gabbana gown, a 100 carat diamond Lorraine Schwartz choker and Converse shoes to stress that I am All Star. I find the ceremony that recognizes outstanding achievements in film and television to be a guilty pleasure. There is safety in consistency and every year we are guaranteed a lot of people who just love being celebrities, at least one sincerely gracious acceptance speech from a relatively unknown thanking (with a glisten in their eye and a quiver in their voice) the director who "took a chance" on them and some mind boggling taped cleavage. Last night Mariah Carey was the standout with her bronzed hued ladies that truly were..Golden Globes.
But none is more consistent than celebrities telling their oddly named children to go to sleep. Often at inappropriate times. Last night, “We get it..you’re famous” Julia Roberts rode the children plug wave in an all about me moment while announcing, “And the Golden Globe winner for Best Drama Motion Picture is…ok go to sleep Finn, Hazel and Henry… Avatar!” To me that won the statue for most self righteous moment since James Cameron made the wise decision not to King of the World himself this year.
Ok. Famous people. We know. You have kids. They have weird names. They are coerced (with their SuperNannies) to watch you announce an award. Past their bedtime. Perhaps I’m the one missing out on the “goodnight my child” phenomenon so I am going to test saying nighty night to children at times that..I don’t know..just feel right. Since I have not made any babies yet..I will wish a pleasant slumber to the children of celebrities with only obscure names in the following scenarios:
1) Being picked up by a douche at a bar
Douche- Can I borrow your library card? Cause I'm checking you out. Let’s share a cab to my house.
Jax – Before I turn you down douche, I’d like to say goodnight to Atherton Grace and Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily.
2) In the shower
Jax(to myself) – I really feel that this Redken Clear Moisture Conditioner will take care of my split ends. Get to bed Jazz Domino!
3) Calling 911
Dispatcher – 911. What's the emergency?
Jax – There is an intruder downstairs…hold on...Time to go to bed Gulliver, Destry and Jermajesty…I think he wants to murder me.
4) In my blog
Jax(to readers) Before I conclude Day 163 of my 365 blog entry challenge I promised to say goodnight to Maddox Chivan, Zahara Marley, Shiloh Nouvel, Pax Thien, Knox Léon and Vivienne Marcheline.