Monday, January 11, 2010

Day 156 - Paparazz-Me!

January 11th, 2010

-Mike Tyson beat up a photographer at LAX.

-Britney Spears viciously attacked an SUV and some members of the paparazzi. With an umbrella. Then she dated one of them.

-Avril Lavigne has a tendency to spit on the paparazzi.

-Kanye West rushed towards a photographer, smashed his camera and then attacked him. West was arrested.

-Hugh Grant apparently enjoys throwing tubs of baked beans on photographers.

-Sean Penn, king of paparazzi attacks, grabbed a photographer and dangled him from the ninth-floor balcony by his ankles. He was arrested, charged with attempted murder and pardoned.

OK. You know who has grown exponentially fatigued with celebrities beating up photographers? This one. Unless you were the Princess of Wales, I have little patience for these short fused displays of entitlement. The reality is that 5% of “artists” catapult into the gold painted arena of fame and fortune. My sense is that a good number in that small percentage didn’t do it for the love of the craft. They did it for the love of fame. Having the TMZ crew attached to your dog purse is the price you pay. To quote from the movie "Airplane!": "They bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting themselves into. I say, let um crash !"

Deep breath. Since I try to practice the philosophy of philanthropy, I have a few suggestions for celebrities who have not mastered anger management when it comes to the paparazzi. The following will keep them off your back…and you off theirs. Literally. :

- Wear a ski mask. With a beret for flair

- Get career advice from David Caruso

- Hide in an Afghani cave.

- Use reverse psychology. Push too hard to get the paparazzi’s attention. Call too much. Text too much. Ask them, “What’s going on with us?” They’ll loose interest.

- Become the spokesperson for living with genital warts

- Stop wearing your t-shirt that says. “Please take my picture. I’m important.”

Sorry. I’m just so heated about this topic that I just beat up a photographer. Annie Leibovitz. I take it all back. It felt great! I’m awesome.

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