Friday, January 15, 2010

Day 160 - Marla Maples Syrup

January 15th, 2010

On Day 144, I lent my name to questionable products and establishments in a blog entitled – “Jacqueline Kabat Stripper and Nun Training Facility”. One example was “Jacqueline Kabat Terrorist Training Camp: “Our monkey bars will get you killing in no time!” Celebrities are lending their prestigious names to questionable and seemingly mismatched products all the time....I wanted to play too.

My three favorite endorsements of the stars thus far:

1. Tom Cruise – His Galactic Confederacy
2. Bob Dole – Viagra
3. 50 Cent – Vitamin Water

Nothing makes me want to hydrate with electrolyte and vitamin enhanced water more than a rapper who has been shot in the face.

In 9th grade, I had to create a product along with an advertisement for said creation. Since this was around the time Donald Trump’s first (recorded) infidelity scandal was getting an overload of media attention, my father suggested Marla Maples Syrup. I was sold. Dad, my brother and I filmed a commercial for this syrup that has sadly now gone missing and resides in beta max tape heaven in the sky.

The commercial went down something like this:

Using a combination of self taught method acting and Stanislavsky technique tools, my brother Scott exquisitely played and captured the essence of Donald Trump while wearing a red velvet robe while sitting at the head of the dining room table. In front of him were a stack of pancakes and a “lesser than” syrup. He proceeded to pick up and bang his silverware on the table while shouting “IVANA A BETTER SYRUP!” Then I enter as the spokesperson (which, dare I say, I have a brilliant knack for) and proudly introduce him to Marla Maples Syrup. I recall using sweeping “Price is Right” spokes model hand gestures around the plastic bottle where I pasted Marla’s face over Aunt Jemima’s. I don’t remember the specifics as to how the commercial ended so let’s just assume I said, “Marla Maples Syrup is found on Donald Trump’s breakfast table. Shouldn’t it be found on yours?”

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