Day 364 - I'd Be a Narcissist If I Didn't Love Myself So Much

August 7th, 2010

I'd Be a Narcissist If I Didn't Love Myself So Much.

As I compose day 364 of my 365 day blog entry challenge, I'm coming to terms that just the very nature of partaking in this yearlong endeavor could imply some narcissism on my part. The following equation has developed. I write + You read + When I get positive feedback = I feel good.

But as I have glided and stumbled through this life thing, I have repeatedly been told, "You're too hard on yourself."

So I will gentle. Treat myself like a delicate flower.

Here goes. At my core, I don't see myself as egotistic, vain and selfish. I'll fess up that I possess a certain amount of healthy narcissism that includes a reasonable amount of self-worth, principles of the moral kind and being sensitive to the plight of others. Yay me.

Perhaps my candidness is inspiring you to look inward and you're asking me, "Jax, Am I narcissistic? Am I narcissist, Jax? Like the bad kind of narcissism. I'm scared. Confused. Need to be held."

Just your uncertainly implies that it's critical that you immediately evaluate yourself and take painful self-analysis of your motives, actions and beliefs.

Do you resonate with the following scenarios?

- You embrace the shame that lurks in your soul and take every measure to never process negative emotions in healthy ways. Your days are filled with reading Hitler's "Mein Kampf", going to your OJ Simpson fan club meeting and listening to white power singer songwriter Johnny Rebel's song "Nigger Hatin Me".

- You preach that entitlement is your birthright. This is often exemplified when sharing toys with small children. With malicious intent, you grab toys from toddlers and enjoy watching them cry because you're getting instant feedback. And that's awesome.

- Not a day goes by that you don't tell yourself, "Feeling emotions is so Oprah. I hate her. But Stedman's pretty cool. Because he has a mustache."

- You tell yourself that your magical thinking and irrational beliefs are making you creative. As a result, your "artistry" is exhibited by weaving pot holders. Painting pine cones. Using your blood to write the following on your ex's car. "I love you so much that I will kill you quickly.XOXO".

If you're saying to yourself, "Yes Jax. All of these symptoms above...I have them. Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!"

You need help. I will help you heal. After I stop admiring my reflection on my computer screen. I simply can't look away.